Why am I here? What is my purpose?

To be a co-creator with God on planet earth and show others how by sharing my story, by connecting, by BEING my true self.

What are the clues to my next step?  What do I fantasize about?  What are my dreams and yearnings? What feels restricting to me and what feels liberating? I know I can shoot for the moon because I am limitless but what is “the moon” to me? Everyone is different.  I have tried the outward efforts (helping homeless people and making personal sacrifices to lift up others regardless of whether they are really on board with it) but I have learned the hard way that my soul doesn’t want to please anyone else or save the world. My soul really wants to express itself fully as “spirit would if it was in a body” which means my soul is very interested in what interests ME.  Everything that went into creating ME has been pure perfection.  All of it.  So if my purpose is not some altruistic pursuit of good deeds, then what is it?  I have always wanted to have physic powers and create abundance with it.  It’s my dream to do it for myself and show others how to do it for themselves if they really want to.  This includes health, wealth, and abundance.  I want to demonstrate FAITH in the universe.  I am not here to suffer.  I am here to transcend all limitations.  I am here to be LOVE, JOY, COMPASSION in every moment through my own choice and actions.  God’s creation is brilliantly set up to bless us with all, so that of our desires and dreams/wishes are magically fulfilled.  God does this by creating limitless energy and constantly pouring this creative energy into our beings while we are incarnated on earth.  Then it is up to us individually to decide how to use this energy to make our wishes and dreams come true.  It is NOT true that we have to live in lack, suffer in any way, or give all our material possessions away in order to receive God’s blessings.  We can see, by expanding our consciousness, God’s reality in which there is no such thing as lack.  Humans create suffering and lack with their limiting beliefs and buying into the negativity of mass consciousness.  Once we each awaken to our true nature as spiritual beings that are connected to an infinite source of creative energy, we become unstoppable.  We co-create anything we desire in perfect flow and harmony with everything and everyone around us.  

Material possessions are only manifestations of our thoughts, beliefs, wishes, and desires.  If we lack material things that we really want it is only our perception of lack; it is not reality.  So how does an individual soul use the limitless creative energy from God?  We dream. We fantasize. We ponder. We experiment. We interact. We connect. We visualize. We express through words, actions, intention, and heart felt wishes.  What specifically we dream about is up to us.  The clues are in the data of our lives, our personal interests, character traits, aptitudes, and outlook on life.  I have always loved numbers, playing blackjack, investing, talking to people, and now with my expanded awareness, I can use these personal interests and skills to create with real POWER of MIND, or God’s creative energy.  The power is our natural state of curiosity and adventure, like little children when they see a new play ground.  We explore and we play without worrying about negative outcomes or any harm.  Children just go for it with gusto!  That’s the life affirming attitude that we must have to really step into our creative power.  So I’m going to double-down on my dreams NOW.  I have more faith in myself now after all the intense purification I went through during my 2018 kundalini awakening.  The first step in manifesting your dreams is to be clear, honest and uncompromising in what you truly desire.  You have to embody the experience you want to create before actually experiencing it in physicality.  The physical part is the last part of the body/mind system that transpires during the creative process.  The first part is to use your imagination and create what you want to experience in your mind’s eye.  I want to be the best physic blackjack player that I can be.  I am able now to feel the energy of a blackjack table and transmute negative energy into pure love from the angelic realm that flows through me as I am now an open door to Divine energies.  This transmission of love energy allows me and everyone at the blackjack table to win consistently.  In my imagination, I foresee incredibly miraculous success playing with the love energy.  This will eventually capture the interest of others who will wonder “how does she win so consistently”.  Then I will show others how to apply a winning mindset to their own lives and creative interests.  I’m trusting the universe completely to out picture my dream into physical reality in the most genius and delightful way.  I don’t need to get all the nuts and bolts in place.  I just need to be the director, the dreamer of my virtual reality.  Remember, it’s all happening in the ONE MIND.  Reality is a play of vibrating light particles!  This MIND is genius and it knows how to “compute” the highest outcome possible for you to experience and enjoy!

I define success as an inner confidence and peace that is not dependent on external outcomes.  To be able to do what you love in life and prosper from it is the ultimate success story.  It has nothing to do with an external standard. I don’t compare myself to others because that is self-defeating thinking.  Another gotcha to be aware of is being attached to the outcome.  As I stated in my previous blog posts on co-creating with the universe, it is only through self-love that we become our most powerful self.  This means that if things don’t go your way or someone else seems to have more success than you do, it is only an opportunity to re-charge, and keep on trying without letting self-doubt creep into your mind.  Allow the fearful thoughts of failure to enter your mind, but don’t let it linger long.  Remember, you do not have to define yourself by your thoughts or beliefs.  You are MORE. Brush yourself off and use the set backs as a chance to love yourself even more.  So many people give up on themselves when faced with failure.  Self-mastery is about relentless faith and trust in the universe.

If we are eternal beings how can we really loose anything or come into permanent harm?  Don’t take this virtual reality on earth too seriously.  Creation is for us to explore, learn, and enjoy.  But our true nature is formless eternal spirit.  We are only in our bodies for a short while, so we are not here to waste time worrying about anyone else or fixing the world.  We are here to co-create and use God’s energy to create the life of our dreams and in doing so, we free others from their self-imposed limitations and lift them up by BEING who we truly are which is LIMITLESS!

Why does God allow all the suffering, disease and atrocities?

This is a HUGE mental block for humans.  We can't understand why everywhere we look there is suffering and drama.  We can't accept that we do it to ourselves; that it is ALL self inflicted.  This is because we are in separation, which is the illusion of the dark 3D holographic earth.  The only part of the population that seems truly happy are under 10 years old who still have some innocence in them.  Then life (the programming of the 3D matrix) snuffs the light of innocence out of us with all the negativity, the "should's" the "what if's" and the "watch out for".

Our world is a holographic training simulation for souls to learn how to transcend suffering and return to LOVE.  We don't remember this while we are in our bodies because that is the purpose of the dense and dark 3D reality.  It doesn't allow enough Divine light in to enable souls to remember their true origin which is formless pure awareness that is spirit, that is of God.  This world is a TEMPORARY play-pen for souls to explore any and all mental constructs about self and be able to act out all these constructs in a SELF contained simulation that seems real but is not real, and not permanent.  It is a FREE WILL simulation.  It's a matrix of illusion that seems REAL to our senses.  So all the nasty suffering is temporary and will end once we LET GO and return to the light of pure awareness, of spirit.

It takes real transformation from within to truly "get it" and understand, accept, forgive, and love God's creation, which is really US (you, me, them, all that ever was and ever will be).  I do have compassion for those of you who don't get it yet.  Who are still stuck in the 3D matrix of separation and duality.  I was there 7 years ago and it wasn't easy living a life of angst, not feeling comfortable with what was happening in my world and not knowing the real purpose of life and why we are here.  It seemed everyone was just in SURVIVAL mode and not fully ALIVE with joy, with LIFE.

Those who are not awake don't remember their true origins so they think this is all there is and there is nothing MORE to life.  There is a sense of pointlessness and helplessness, especially when we get older and our bodies start succumbing to illness, depression, dis-ease from a years and years of not "getting it."  We are unable to truly love unconditionally and our relationships become dysfunctional and toxic.  Either way there is suffering until we wake up and remember why we are here.  Waking up means healing and becoming WHOLE again.  Healing the core wound of separation from Source/God.  When I first woke up, I was SO ANGRY that God had allowed me to FALL asleep in the matrix.  I literally broke down and threw a tantrum like a 2 year old child because I was so upset that God left me alone in this horrible world where no one seems to know who they really are and they unconsciously cause so much harm and hurt towards themselves and others.  I cried and screamed for over an hour until there was nothing left inside me; I became EMPTY.  Then the love of God slowly filled me back up with such intense unconditional love.  I became whole again.  Then the illumination happened and my memory started coming back to me and I remembered God's plan and that I was 100% complicit in that plan.

I wanted to embody on earth so I could experience the MIRACLE of separation.  In spirit we are all One.  It is not possible to be separate from God. So this 3D matrix is a miracle.  Because only in experiencing the illusion of separation and then AWAKENING to my true spiritual nature did I really fully understand my own capacity to LOVE and FORGIVE.  If nothing "bad" ever happens to me I would not know how to truly LOVE myself back into balance.  I would not have soul wisdom.  This wisdom keeps expanding as my consciousness and self awareness expands.  I can use this wisdom to help others out of their own self created suffering but also I can now co-create with God how I want my world to BE.  I can see with the eyes of spirit and make choices that are based on Oneness and not separation, which is to choose LOVE instead of FEAR.

This journey is not done in one lifetime.  It takes many thousands of incarnations to fully traverse the 3D matrix until the soul finally "gets it".  I call it "running the gauntlet of separation".  Do not feel disheartened that you are not yet awake and feel the bliss, freedom and joy that I do.  It's a beautiful journey once you understand and have some tools and guidance from way-showers like me.

Evil (or suffering) exists only in this 3D matrix of illusion.  It doesn't exist beyond it because there is only Oneness in reality.  So evil is illusion; it needs to have an opposite (called "good") for it to exist.  In Oneness there is no opposite.  The angelic realm that exists beyond our 3D matrix is based on Oneness so it is not possible to feel anything but BLISS in the angelic realm.  This illusion we are in is a very realistic one when you are on earth where there is child abuse, war, holocausts, cruelty, hatred and despair.  The evil is created by souls who exercise their FREE WILL by refusing to grow up and return to LOVE.  This is allowed only in the 3D matrix.  These souls are not allowed to graduate from the 3D matrix until they return to LOVE.  We can exercise our free will  by choosing LOVE and transcend the suffering and get the HELL out of Dodge, our of the 3D matrix.  This escape hatch is through the heart.  It is activated by self love which triggers the journey HOME.  We don't have to hang out here with all the evil souls who reject the light and want to pull us into their own self created hell.  And this ascension to 5D (exiting the 3D matrix) is not a location "up there" in the sky.  It is a higher consciousness that experiences LIFE through Oneness, unity, LOVE.  It is a state of heaven on earth where I AM.  Why don't you join me, the PEACE is beyond human understanding and you won't ever want to return to the old way of being.

That is the good news.  It's going to be tough for many of us who can't LET GO and FORGIVE.  So many of us can not accept that wars, the holocaust, child rape should be allowed.  That was why the evil souls rejected the light of God.  They did not want to allow free will and therefore allow ANYTHING to occur based on free will.  So they used their creative energies to create more suffering so prove that free will is a flawed plan.  But as I stated in my previous blog post, God does not make mistakes.  Free will is genius because it allows us to learn from our poor choices.  There are universal laws that can not be circumvented.  These laws keep destructive actions in check because "what we put out we get right back".  These evil souls are in torment because their choices have blocked their own light and disconnects them from PURE LOVE which is so amazingly wonderful and beyond anything this 3D matrix has to offer.  The only way they can be redeemed is by LETTING GO of their need to control other humans by hurting them.  Sticks and stones may break your bones, but don't let them turn you into a helpless victim or a vengeful renegade.  You have choice to react in a higher way.  The evil ones want you to fight back and take on a crusade to end all human suffering.  This keeps your soul stuck in the 3D matrix for a long long time until you finally LET GO of the epic battle between good and evil and your return back to the light.  The only way to end human suffering is to FORGIVE and see through their drama ploys.  You can NEVER have true inner peace if you keep trying to change the world "out there" and try to make everyone else behave nicely.  You can only save yourself and BE the change; shine your soul light so others can see that there is another way.

I also mentioned that there are no victims.  So the child rape, murder or genocide that humans commit against other humans can be transcended and forgiven.  YES, breathe that in folks.  You can forgive it and LET GO and move back into the light.  The evil souls don't want you to forgive.  They want you to stay in torment like they are.  They want to prove God was wrong for giving us free will.  They want us to be flawless robots without any creative power or true wisdom. Don't fall for it. You are MORE.

It's difficult for me to explain to someone who had not awaken why they are not a victim and that their suffering is all in their heads.  They are letting all the negativity energies suck them into the drama. How can your suffering be in your head when you are a child that is being raped or tortured or even murdered?  Let alone the "victims" of the holocaust and genocide?

Take a deep breath with me here.  Suspend your attachments to your body, your mind, your role, your human identity.  YOU ARE NOT ANY OF THOSE.  You are pure awareness (consciousness), spirit.  You are me.  I AM you.  We ARE ONE.  We are the body of God.  We don't have to suffer anymore.  It's time to take full responsibility for our lives and leave behind victim-hood, and the knee jerk reactions to "do something" to fight against or change what is "out there".  It's not what happens to you that matters, it is how you react to what happens to you.  Do you fight evil, or do you see through the illusion and start looking within your heart?

Take another deep breath with me NOW.  It is and has always been the lack of self awareness that has caused humans to fall deep into the darkness.  When you think you are your body, your role, your ethnicity, your human, you will suffer and you will become a victim or a perpetrator.  When Jesus (and I am not religious in any way) who was an enlightened master, embodied on earth to be a way-shower by His example, He knew that the evil ones (the ones who reject the light) would kill his body.  It did not stop Him from speaking his Truth.  He did not come here to fight evil.  He came here to show that evil should not be judged or resisted because it is ultimately illusion.  Evil needs an opponent to exist, if we don't give any energy to or against it, then it will dissolve from our reality. We are not our bodies.  He can let the physical body die or be abused or tortured without attachment or identification with it.  Physical death is not the end of the soul.  What did Jesus say on the cross?  "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

Can you do that?  Can you give them too?  Your salvation depends on your ability to look away from all the trauma and drama of the 3D matrix and FORGIVE it and LET GO.

You might ask (because you are still stuck in separation) if we turn the other cheek with the evil ones, what happens to them?  Well, they are stuck in separation (or hell) like you are until they stop asking about what those others are doing.  Stick to your own salvation and leave the judgement to God's perfect plan.  The evil ones serve a wonderful purpose in tormenting you until you stop playing their game and AWAKEN.  They will keep putting the screws to you until you LET GO.  The blind can not lead the blind out of hell.  So get yourself out of hell first by looking only to the light within.  Then you will see only the light of God and perfection in ALL.

Come back into the light of God.  It is all a play of lights.  It is all for LOVE, all of it.  Your existence is a miracle.  You are a miracle.  Why waste your life focusing on illusions when you can BE MORE NOW.  My love and blessings to you ALL on your journeys of SELF discovery.




 

Further down the rabbit hole we go

The most mind blowing revelation during my 2012 awakening was "there is only ONE of us here", and the reality I experience was happening within this ONE and that there is nothing "out there" all was an inner experience, even physical reality is an inner experience.  This initially plunged me into a huge identity crisis because Who Am I really if there is no real physical reality?  Then during my 2018 awakening, the most significant revelation was "God does not make mistakes." Period. And this means I AM not a mistake, not a miserable flawed sinner doomed to suffer in darkness.

I AM NOW tasked with trying to integrate what these revelations mean in my life and create a NEW life for myself that does not have the OLD mentality of limitations and suffering.  What is the purpose of life if it is all happening within this ONE consciousness and if am not an objective human body on an objective physical earth in real space and time?

Just a side note for those who think I am on an acid trip, think again.  Quantum physics has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no way the objective physical world exists "out there".  Try watching this video on how this works.  It is all a play of lights...vibrating particles of light.  Your body and world feels real because your 3D senses are all that you know and are familiar with and you have been pre-programmed to experience it as real.  All is happening within MIND. Both our individual human minds and the ONE mind, which encompasses ALL human minds as part of and inseparable from ONE.  I love this video with Rick Paris (a shaman who underwent an amazing near death experience).  He explains the whole holographic illusion of earth, quantum realities, creation of reality using the mind, it's so awesome, and very true as I have personally discovered through my own visceral experience.  Open your minds to NEW possibilities folks, take the RED PILL and come further down the rabbit hole with me.

Who I AM is pure awareness.  I do have an incarnation (an experience of a body playing various roles within the 3D holographic matrix).  Pure awareness is spirit.  It is (I AM) formless, ineffable, limitless.  It is consciousness.  This spirit is of God.  It is God as far as we humans can "explain" what God is.  It is the Source, the energy of Creation, that we ALL are because we are self-aware, we exists, we feel, we think, we breathe, we are Creation in our totality.

People who are stuck "in the Matrix" as the movie so cleverly eludes to are under a control program of 3D earth.  This program is a "school of hard knocks" simulation for souls, which are unique creations of formless spirit to allow God to experience it's Creation and expand the individualized expressions of itself (me and you) so we can learn how to co-create with our minds in a way that is in alignment with LOVE and COMPASSION.  The 3D matrix is not designed to keep souls trapped forever.  It is meant to be transcended.  That's why in this time on earth, there is a mass awakening and evolution of human consciousness.  I'm not the first to awaken these past 7 years.  There are many, thousands.  Soon it will be hundreds of thousands leaving the old matrix.  Some go through near death experiences, some like me experience spontaneous awakenings, some are really stubborn and will experience major life changing crisis (the punches in the face), and some are just born with a wisdom (like many children these days) that allows them to remember their TRUE nature.  You know these children, they have a mind of their own and do NOT allow themselves to be programmed by society.  They speak from their hearts and you can not suppress their light and make them conform to societal norms.

The older folks like me, we are in "sleep" mode and have to learn through difficult and challenging life experiences to LET GO and SURRENDER to the perfection of Creation which does not make mistakes.  How many times does life have to literally punch you in the face before you wake up?  And why does life tend to punch us in the face?  Because we refuse to wake up and step into our power.  For eons, humanity has been suppressed within the 3D matrix, which allows us to "act out" our free will powers in a "play pen" for souls.  We get to experience an epic battle between good and evil until we are tired of it.  It's like children playing in a sandbox building castles and having make believe battles.  Then comes a time when some yearning is triggered within the soul when it starts seeking for the way out of the matrix, the way HOME.

HOME is not a location.  It is in the heart.  The dormant seed of spirit lives within our holographic hearts.  It contains a homing signal that guides us back into the light away from the dark matrix.  Humanity is learning and growing up.  We have made it this far without blowing ourselves up (with a lot of angelic help).  And yes, there is still plenty of suffering.  But this is not a mistake.  It is a choice to suffer.  Our ignorance and attachments to the "realness" of this hologram causes our own suffering.  Until we make a conscious choice to see beyond our limited roles within the matrix, we can not leave it behind.  Look to the children.  They know the way out.  Their eyes are full of God, full of innocence that we grown ups "think" we have lost.  It is the thinking that we are less and limited that strips us of our mind power to create a heavenly world.  This thinking is just thinking.  It can be redirected, re-programmed.  Don't blame society or your parents for programming you into a neurotic self-doubting Prozac popping basket case.  Just forgive them for they know not what they do.  Brush yourself off and realize  you are more than your holographic reality.  Take your power back.  Exit the matrix and come HOME NOW.

I hear your thoughts already.  You feel a quickening, maybe it's true, maybe you are MORE.  But there's an incredibly strong pull to fall back asleep in the matrix because it is familiar.  There is so much FEAR in you.  The unknown and the NEW is very scary.  Even with all the self-created drama and trauma you can't let go.  You want to stay in victimhood or keep up the epic fight against some "external" cause that is only going on in your head.  You want to band with the masses, the other people in your circle or in the world with the same mentality.  The pain, apathy and hopelessness is part of you and has become your identity.  I assure you it is not your true identity.  Everything in your life that defines you is a holographic illusion and you cling desperately to it.  Like I said, God does not make mistakes.  The 3D matrix is not a forever situation.  It is crumbling and dissolving quickly.  Just observe it and you will see all the dark energies of chaos throwing a tissy-fit because the 5D energies are exposing them as dysfunctional, comical and impotent.  News stories of people getting stabbled or beheaded can only be scary if people are actually tunning into it.  But honestly, are we all a little tired of tuning into the horror and drama?  It's a hologram that is like a B-rated horror movie.  It's not worth watching folks.  The fear mongering no longer works on the people because consciousness is catching onto the illusions.  No the earth is not going to blow up.  What is crumbling are old systems that have been reinforcing the experience of powerlessness.  God's plan is one of redemption and salvation.  No this is not about some religious crusade, that is soooo old school.  Let's move past that trap shall we.  It is about the truth of YOU.  Who are you really?

I promise you if you venture down the rabbit hole you will find out how glorious and powerful you really are.  And yes, you will have to let go of many limiting beliefs to realize your true potential and venture into the unknown.  Luckily for you, there are many thousands of trailblazers that have gone ahead and progressed into the 5D existence, which is one of PEACE, UNITY, HARMONY, WISDOM, MIRACLES and LOVE.

Here's is God's plan for heaven on earth, or what we awakened ones call 5D existence:

Like the 100th monkey scenario, a core, yet small population (which can easily include YOU) wakes up to their true nature as spirit by connecting with their heart and opening WIDE enough to receive the Holy Spirit of transformation (unconditional love).  Then start the journey of awakening in their own unique way, by shedding all the limiting mental constructs.  Then more light will illuminate your mind and body which heals all mental and physical illness, which are really caused by all the trauma and drama that we hold onto unconsciously.  We then become AWAKE in the holographic reality like the Buddha, like Jesus, and many other masters who have walked on earth to show The Way, The Truth and The Life.  We glow with peace and compassion and extend unconditional love to all as peaceful warriors of light; we are wise as serpents (no one can fool us back to sleep) and harmless as doves (no one can fight against us because they feel our love and non-judgement which is like a balm to their souls).

We also receive Divine assistance in helping and healing others with our energy which now flows directly from Source/God.  The flows is intense and strong because we no longer have limiting mental constructs that block the flow of LIFE energy into our minds and bodies.  The pure love and bliss we feel changes us from the inside out.  We no longer have angst or fear inside so our minds are clear and calm.  We go from SURVIVAL mode to CREATIVE mode, like the very imaginative and fun Minecraft video game that millions love to play.  And PLAY we shall because removing all the baggage from our system allows us the feel PURE and innocent as little children again.  We will play and co-create a new earth.  We play with energy, we co-create with energy, we heal with energy, we are NOW energy beings no longer limited to just the physical material expression of the 3D matrix.  We create, we SHARE all resources generously, we no longer buy into the lack and fear mentalities of old earth.  We facilitate the crumbling of old earth by our choices.  Awakened ones are not hanging out at the mall buying stuff or outwardly consuming material things.  Have you noticed the fall in the stock market especially with retail stocks, gas prices, airlines, hotels.  The economy is changing, consumption is changing.  Less is MORE NOW. Why be materialistic and consume stuff and compete with the Jones next store like our parents did when we can sit in meditation and receive incredible BLISS and inspiration for all our creative impulses that are simply genius and beyond anything the material world has to offer?

The wisdom of the soul will flow through with MORE and MORE insights, solutions, revelations that will uplift everyone in our lives and eventually our world!  Oh yes, the pure genius the flows from spirit that will express itself has NEW inventions, and new ways to collaborating with others from the heart that will heal our world.  It's all coming folks. Health and aging will also take quantum leaps.  With more Divine energy in our mind and body, we will experience longer healthier lifespans that will not degenerate with age like the old 3D matrix of darkness and limited light.  Our 5D children will be born with inherent wisdom and remember their spiritual nature.  These children will become future leaders and visionaries that will bring forth peace and prosperity that we can not even begin to imagine.  There is more than just hope for the future, we have made it past the 2012 milestone without blowing up the world. This new 5D energy is finally here and we have more than earned our place in the cosmos as an evolved species ready to take flight into the UNKNOWN.

You can join the party or stay asleep in the matrix and not feel or experience anything new.  It's your free will choice what or how you want to create with your consciousness.  We are all equally loved, equally worthy, equally gifted and endowed with God's limitless creative power no matter if we choose to experience it or reject it.

Isn't that a wonderful vision for humanity's future?  All my blog posts are channeled from spirit, my soul's light.  This is my highest TRUTH and Divine blessing to ALL.






   

The Power of Self Love

Transcending human suffering is all about LOVE of self.  It sounds cliche but it's true.  Everyone seems to want to escape their suffering without going through the "work" of self love.  It's not easy to truly love yourself.  Now that I AM enlightened to my true nature, self love is really all there is.  It's a power so profoundly trans-formative that once you get it going it becomes a upward spiral of energetic momentum.  Becoming a WHOLLY HUMAN BEING is about removing EVERYTHING that stands between you and YOU.  If you are not willing to love yourself through any and all circumstances, the soul's energy (which includes plenty of heavenly help) can not filter down through all the layers and layers of BS (excuse the language) that has been placed there by all of our unconscious choices, thoughts and feelings about ourselves that is dysfunctional and based on the negative programming we receive from media, TV, society at large, politics, family, and many other miserable people stumbling around in the darkness of their own mental creations.  Misery loves company folks and it's a very compelling force to settle into the "comfort" of being a "negative Nelly" or a cynic.  Because you won't be the nail that sticks out.  It's what everyone else is used to.  So it does take courage to be the ONLY ONE in your circle that is not deterred and wants to follow the deeper yet subtle calling of the heart for MORE and for a NEW way of life based on limitless possibilities.

I practice self love every moment of everyday.  Whenever I AM in front of a mirror I tell myself "I love you.  I honor you. I adore you. Your are my Divine light."  I literally make love to myself and caress my face and body.  I don't give myself any rational reasons for giving myself so much love and attention.  I just do it out of pure delight for being "just me".  Can you do this too?  I know you can.  It's in all of us under those layers and layers of BS.  Fall madly and deeply in love with YOU for no good reason!

This will get you on the path to self realization.  It will likely fast track you and create so much ease and grace in your life.  You will notice yourself becoming more optimistic and peaceful and you will start LETTING GO of all the layers of BS.  Will this practice heal your cancer into spontaneous remission like I experienced?  There is no guarantee but what do you have to lose?  It's better than the status quo and following the crowd trying to be normal and suffer in silence because deep down you know you are meant to be MORE on earth than just getting by, paying taxes, raising kids, getting an illness or mental breakdowns?  But don't judge the crisis or triggers that bring you down because often times these are signs of an awakening soul.  When all hell breaks loose, you just might be ready for MORE.

I had to let go so much BS that I can't even begin to list it all.  My higher self (soul) really designed an incredible journey for me.  YES, we do design our incarnations on earth.  As a soul we exist outside of space and time.  The earth experience is a grand cosmic holographic virtual reality made of light.  Don't take yourself so seriously with all the drama and trauma you experience.  It really is all a play of lights and it is spectacular to say the least!  Once you journey towards completion (or ascension) you will begin to look at your entire life as a holographic story book and you will see the perfection in all of it, the good, the bad, and the trials and tribulations.

My heroine's journey from Dec 2012 to this year has unfolded to about a 7 year "tribulation" cycle.  It started in 2012 as feeling the RAPTURE of heavenly love and being energetically pulled upward and away from all the density and darkness of the earth plane.  So it's not a physical body being sucked up to the sky, it is an energetic pull towards LOVE.  Then the next 7 years has been a journey of integration of this LOVE back into the physical existence by going through many layers of releasing, purifying, letting go of all the baggage that no longer serves LOVE of ALL. 

So this year is the 7th year which I call my "completion" year.  It doesn't mean I turn into light and ascend back to heaven like the scriptures.  That would be very cool, but alas, it's an escape fantasy.  We are not getting off that easy folks.  No, the point to incarnation is to EMBODY the light and bring heaven on earth.  A soul that has completed the journey back to WHOLENESS, is one that is finally FREE to live a life that is intentional and purposeful in each moment without being easily swept away by other people's dramas and other people's ideas about how to act and behave and think.  A WHOLLY HUMAN BEING is one who is centered in LOVE and holds no more judgement of self and others.  This does not mean I can or do conform to any outward display of superpowers, though I'm pretty physic and feel energies with more and more intensity.  Every moment is an experience of NEW and it's delightful.  I feel like a little child on Christmas day all the time because even every breath I take is NEW and so indescribably pleasurable.  It does mean that I am in a state of pure awareness most of the time.  My thoughts are not racing.  I am so peaceful that my body vibrates with pure BLISS.  I define this bliss as an all encompassing sensation of EVERYTHING all at once.  Bliss is the One in ALL.  It is ultimate peace of mind and body because there is nothing in the world that can affect this bliss because it comes from within me; it comes from my soul shining through.

Sooner or later we all go through this transformation by free will choice.  When you start seeing and feeling more and more of this energy out-pictured as people like me walking around the supermarket you will start thinking.  This Chi person, "she's talking loco, but I like it! Maybe it is safe for me to come out of my closet and join her in LOVE."

And hopefully when it happens to you, there won't be so much "tribulation" and more grace and ease.  It depends on how much baggage you have to let go of.  7 years seems like a really long time but during that time I was progressing and having many amazing breakthroughs.  So it is about the journey itself and we can not compare ourselves to others.  It is a very subjective and personal journey.  However, there are mile markers along the way to guide you.

Some of the journey milestones were major shifts in my perspective and seeing what my underlying beliefs were that was causing all the suffering and turmoil in my life.  I had to transcend each one consciously by witnessing it and all the negativity it created before I could come to the realization that holding onto it was hindering my progress.  These beliefs or "baggage" I let go of were somehow very near and dear to me like an old security blanket.  It took a lot of self love and self compassion to really sit with myself and allow my soul to present them to me for release.  With each release I expanded more and more.  WHOLENESS is not a destination.  It is just a new beginning.  A venture into the unknown with a child like innocence that NOTHING on earth can ever harm me again because I AM.  So are YOU.

Here is a brief list of the baggage I let go of.  Once I let them go, they energetically get "deleted" from my holographic experience.  It's  a very strange feeling when the release happens.  I feel lighter, free, more peaceful.  Some major shifts were very uncomfortable and felt like a dying of the part of me before a new version of me is rebooted.  It's like labor pains and child birth.  Definitely not easy, but oh the delightful and uplifting feelings at the end of each purge makes it all worth it.  So here goes the list in no particular order since we all experience shifts uniquely:

FEARS:
- Fear of Death
- Fear of Poverty
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of intimacy and vulnerability
- Fear of freak accidents, pain and disease
- Fear of abandonment and rejection
- Fear of punishment from God
- Fear of aging
- Fear of being unlovable for any particular reason
- Fear of not being real (i.e. I AM really just a hologram?)
- Fear of evil or dark forces doing harm to me
- Fear of loss (i.e. property, loved ones, looks, identity)
- Fear of unfamiliar or new experiences
- Fear of what others might think about you

BELIEF SYSTEMS (BS):
- There is not enough for everyone, not sharing generously from the heart
- Love is weak
- When you get older you have to start acting like a grown up and let go of child-like innocence
- Value Judgments - Expecting others to behave in anyway that is different from "what is"
- Survival of the fittest, winner takes all mentality
- People become mentally or physically illness through no fault of their own
- Our reality shapes and mold us, we don't shape and mold our reality
- Everything physical is made of solid matter that doesn't "change" with our thoughts and intentions
- Money is only honorable if you work hard for it (money is just money folks)
- People who kill, steal or commit atrocities are not worthy of my love and forgiveness
- Being poor is undesirable/ Poor people are ignorant and lazy
- Being rich will provide security
- It's up to me to set people straight and tell them how to behave so they don't disturb or hurt anyone
- Not trusting strangers, valuing long-time relationships over meeting new people, being stuck in a rut
- God only blesses the good people and punishes the bad people, so I better be "good" or else
- You have to be religious and go to church/temple to receive direct spiritual communication
- You only have one life to live (we live many lifetimes)
- There is an epic battle between good and evil and I am suppose to "fight evil"
- If I have cancer then I must have done something bad to deserve it
- I can not feel peace and freedom until everyone "out there" behaves nicely and there is no more violence.
- Educated people especially doctors know more than I do about my own mind and body
- I am only a flesh and blood human and can not magically change my outer conditions and circumstances
- Science has all the answers, I just need to study and learn more
- Religion has all the answers, I just need more blind faith, God works in mysterious ways
- We are victims of random fate and bad things happen to good people so why even try
- There is a good way to behave and a bad way to behave
- My thoughts are random and out of control need to be suppressed, maybe anti-depressants can suppress them
- My thoughts and feelings have no influence over my health, and physical circumstances
- The world is in turmoil and needs some kind of savior to rescue us.

EMOTIONAL RELEASE:
- Resentment
- Anger towards self or others
- Rage against God/creation for all the suffering in the world
- Distrust towards self or others
- Shame about self or others
- Guilt about self or others
- Jealousy and envy towards others
- Competition, wanting to be better than others
- Co-dependency Neediness, wanting others to love me for any reason
- Identity issues faced when disruptive changes happen in life
- Lack of love, people in my life not treating me the way I would like
- Lack of respect for self and others
- Lack of self worth, always needing to prove myself
- Grief, sadness over loss of loved ones, pets, my innocence, parts of myself
- Hopelessness, despair and helplessness
- Confusion and frustration of not knowing why I am even here or what my purpose is

That's a really big list I know.  WOW.  No wonder it can take lifetimes to purge and re-program our holographic reality both individually and collectively.  For the few of us who are "on the path" of enlightenment, it could be done in this lifetime.  And if you are doing the work, you will get the credit.  Nothing is lost.  You pick it back up in the next incarnation where you left off.  So if you transcend and release FEAR OF POVERTY, the next life will be one of financial ease and abundance.  If you let go over FEAR OF INTIMACY, the next lifetime you will have more deep fulfilling relationships.  It's all good no matter how far along you get in this lifetime.  Remember, we are eternal spiritual beings having a holographic experience of being a human on earth.  You create your own reality with your BS (belief systems), thoughts and feelings about self and others.  Why not choose differently and let go of what limits you NOW?

The Metamorphosis from 3D to 5D

The Ascension path from a 3D consciousness to a 5D consciousness is an inward journey that eventually transforms the individual first inwardly and then slowly these internal changes become reflected outwardly in both the physical body and countenance.  It's been almost 7 years since my first awakening event in 2012,  and some people who know me and remember how I used to look before my awakening versus how I look today tell me my appearance (or countenance) has really changed especially recently since the intense energies have been flowing through me.  I appear to them softer, more attractive, glowing and peaceful...almost angelic (hint, hint):

And "no, I did not get any 'work' done because I would not intentionally put myself through pain because I am very sensitive, emphatic and traumatize easily". No judgement towards others and their choices.  Now of course, if there was an invention where you can just go through a low cost, pain free, no recovery time or side effects, procedure that can improve my looks or body I would certainly go for it!

Luckily for all of us, there already is such a procedure.  It's called "connecting with your soul".  This procedure is just a natural part of human evolution.  Like all quantum leaps, it takes a small subset of the population to be the forerunners or way-showers, but the rest of the species will start going through the same metamorphosis as the energetic impulses ripples outward to the inter-connected consciousness of humanity.  By their BEingness and how they interact with others, these way-showers will bring about more peace and harmony in their world.  When more than one way-shower gathers, their energies amplify because they share completely and openly from their hearts with all who come their way.  They are at peace so they don't go around forcing or "converting" others.  They just shine their light of pure unconditional love, which doesn't fear condemnation or judgement from the world because it is not of this world, it is from the angelic realm, the HOME that we all come from before we incarnated on beautiful earth.  The NEW human is a Divine being, fully embracing it's human-ness without judgement.

How can it be?  With all the baggage (karma) we are born into and all the horrible trauma and atrocities we have inflicted on one another, how can we allow ourselves to accept that we are Divine?

My sweet, wonderful, beautiful, magnificent human, you already are Divine, and you will always be of God as the source of all reality.  You belong to the light.  All is valid.  All is choice.  All is well.  I can't prove it to you.  I can only BE the light.  And it's your choice to believe and take the Quantum leap towards your own destiny.  There are hundreds if not thousands of way-showers like me, who are awake and ready to assist.  Some of these people are integrated in society like me.  Some are more "out there" and put themselves in positions as energy healers as those I have connected with through services like Quantum Conversions.  We won't validate your smallness, your dis-ease, your traumas.  We will reflect only your light.  We amplify only your light.  We hold space of unconditional love in our BEingness.  We read your energies and recognize your blocks and baggage because we have transcended the same within ourselves.  Just look to the light within and allow it to show you the way out.  If you are reading these words you are receiving support and pure energy of transformation from the angelic realm.  That's right.  These words are coming directly from Heaven.  You know the Truth by discerning within your heart where your own Holy Spirit exists patiently waiting to be discovered.  My love and light to ALL who lives within the One consciousness that I AM.

Being victorious while experiencing defeat

The universe did it to me AGAIN yesterday.  It threw me for a loop during the Seahawks game.  My super bowl wish for the Seahawks to play against the Ravens was dashed as they lost against Dallas 22-24.  Did the universe fail me?  No, it completely changed me from the inside out with such a profound and scintillating energy experience of pure BLISS like I have never experienced before.  And based on my story of awakening I was blown away that I can feel even more bliss during the Seahawks game than I did beforehand.  While watching the game, no matter what happened or what thoughts came through my mind, I felt vibrating energy so delightful, so blissful, flowing all over me.  I hardly even paid attention to the game.  My ego self still wanted the Seahawks to win and still wanted to co-create the outcome with the universe.  But my inner experience of bliss was a complete disconnect from 3D reality.  It was a "beyond this world" reality that was more real and more desirable to me than anything or any outcome outside of me.  I have no words to describe it and I just floated in the glory of my I AM presence, a huge grin on my face, completely relaxed and enveloped by unconditional LOVE as pure energy.  Every cell in my body was lit up with vibrating energy and I could feel them, trillions of cells, alive with joy.  All pain, sores, discomfort of any kind dissolved completely.  I was perfection. The episode lasted over 2 hours, the whole game. 

My intuitive feel or the insights I received from this beautiful mystical experience was "no matter what the ego thinks should happen or wants to happen in life, it has no idea what life can really be like."  The flow of Divine love is far greater than any victory or claim that the limited human mind can think of to make it feel happy, validated, accepted or loved.   This experience was not a disappointment from the universe.  It was a GIFT from the universe to show me that I was immeasurably loved no matter what is happening outside of me.  I did not have to manifest football game outcomes to prove that I was worthy or powerful.  I already AM that which is LOVE.  If I let go of any past notions or concepts of how I need to be or what I need to do, I can just allow this energy to flow through me.

The process of enlightenment to me has been experiencing myself anew in each moment, and it's completely unpredictable, powerful, mind blowing and yet so elusively subjective.  I'm no longer the hamster wheel repeating the same experiences day after day.  My thoughts and feelings about myself and the future have transformed.  I'm uber optimistic and full of awe and excitement. For me each day is a venture into the unknown.  There is no tangible way to grab it and put it in a box, a blog, a book and disseminate it, though it's not stopping me from writing this post because sharing from the heart is how we heal ourselves and our world.  It's an act of service.  We put ourselves out there and in our vulnerability and honesty we connect hearts and transcend separation.

I'm so far up the spiral of ascension that it's new territory all the time.  So there is no past experience that I can draw on and cling to.  It is the ultimate surrender to "what is" in the moment.  Enlightenment is really feeling Divine energy both within and without.  The human mind then integrates the experiences of energy in a way that allows it to expand it's current understanding and expectation of what life is about.  This understanding is not static, it flows, expands and evolves with each new expression of energy within my consciousness.   

Can it be that enlightenment is the transcendent experience that is not only sustainable, but more real to the mind and the body than the events being out pictured in our 3D reality?  Which is real?  Which experience do I give credence to?  I can talk about a football game outcome with someone else and "share" a common reality, but I can't really describe the intense bliss and ineffable peace of the vibrating energy flowing within me to anyone else in a way that would make it "real" for anyone but me.  It's a choice that only I can make.  But I am wise enough to know that what I choose to give credence to is what becomes my reality.  So of course, I choose the miraculous.  I choose to venture into the unknown and surrender to love.  I call it forth with all my being.  I know that we are all One and connected.  My choice affects ALL.  May the peace of God be with you!

Making Peace with Cancer

The biggest challenge for anyone going through the cancer journey, or any difficult chronic illness is coping with fear, self doubt, and confusion.  Even with my miraculous experience of remission and spiritual awakening I AM still in a human body just like everyone else.  I will die just like everyone else, and there is no guarantee that I won't die of cancer.  I have to rely on faith that the reality that I experience, though quite mysterious, is life affirming even if the eventual result is death.  I trust that there is a overall guiding force in life that leads us benevolently towards hope and the end of suffering.  I choose to move forward and not stay in fear because deep down I know that as long as I am breathing, life is worth it.  My life matters (your life matters) and how I face my eventual death matters.  I choose to not let fear and doubt control me and hold me back from really living in joy.  I choose to seek a better way of being that brings about more peace.  This journey of finding inner peace is not only the purpose of life, but allows me to fully be alive while there is breath in me.  This makes me a warrior of light despite dark circumstances.

I resolve to transcend my fears, self doubt, and confusion in order to make peace with cancer.  I can have compassion for my human condition, but I can also transcend it by allowing compassion to take me deeper into my own heart.  Due to my spiritual awakening, I have both a human perspective and also a higher perspective at the same time.  This higher perspective is what I call my connection to spirit, or my I AM presence within.  It is the source of my comfort, wisdom, and personal strength to not only endure but also free myself from these human limitations.

There is a spark of the Creator (God/Source) in all human hearts.  It is the source of all life. This spark can be cultivated from a spark into a burning flame that dissolves fear and doubt.  It is beyond the human mind which seeks to rationalize and make sense of life but can only fall short of the Truth of who we really are.  This is the unconditional love of the One in all of us.  The truth is we are eternal.  We are spirit.  We can experience ourselves as formless limitless spirit when we die and leave our bodies, in dream state, or when we awaken to our true nature. We are individualized extensions of this source energy that expresses itself through us, as us.  Why is there cancer and suffering in our world if we are really God?  The short answer is "FREE WILL".  It is the ultimate act of unconditional love from the Creator.  To trust it's creations (us) so much that it allows any and all actions, thoughts, emotions, and outcomes to occur based on free will choices that we make while we experience life.

Since we are all part of Creation, we all contribute to our experiences of reality both individually and collectively.  All is One.  All is connected via the energy of the Creator.  The energy of Creator (unconditional love) holds together the light particles (photons within atoms that make up the cells of our bodies).  This energy was originally created with pure intention from the Creator as sparks of itself spin off into space to create our world and our bodies.  We are born into the world of form to experience ourselves so the Creator, which is formless and limitless, can experience it's own love reflected back to it as a compartmentalized form.  This form or body that we are in is limited (it has an expiration date called death).  This spirit of God (Creator) is the formless part of us, the Holy Spirit, that holds the body together until it expires.  It doesn't matter whether we believe in the Creator or not.  The unconditional love that holds our bodies together does not judge how we live our lives or what our beliefs are.  Everything is energy from the Creator, even our thoughts and emotions are energy.  This energy is Quantum.  It means that it is beyond space and time.  Beyond the human understanding.  Luckily we are not just human.  We have consciousness and we are self-aware.

There is a concept in Quantum physics called entanglement which is a non-local (beyond space and time) behavior of the energy particles that make up the appearance of matter.  Believe it or not, science has already proven that our bodies and our world are not made of concrete matter, but rather moving and vibrating light particles.  This is fact.  But most humans can not wrap our heads around what it means in our daily lives.  Another scientific discovery is that human consciousness affects the matter (particles of light).  What we observe and expect to see or experience we can alter the behavior of these particles of light that create our bodies and our world.  In short, this means our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions affect our bodies and our world.

If we have a belief that cancer is bad and that it will eventually kills us, then that is the probable reality or experience that we create.  If we believe that cancer is just one way the body communicates or reacts to it's environment then we open ourselves up to different possibilities.  I am of course, over simplifying things.  I'm using linear words which fall short of really describing the vast majesty and complexity of Creation.  But we have to start somewhere if we are to evolve our consciousness beyond existing limiting beliefs and become the powerful self-realized beings that we are all destined to be one day.  Believe me, there is a grand plan for humans.  We have not even begun to tap into our potential.  We are starting to put the pieces together and even though "free will" has allowed us to adopt belief systems that has created systemic suffering, it has also allowed us to learn and transcend suffering by developing compassion and a greater awareness of ourselves as being MORE than our bodies.

Where am I going with this and what does it have to do with making peace with cancer?  As I stated above, our bodies were created by the Creator with pure intention of limitless potentially.  As precious new creations, we start from square one and we learn and evolve using our own "free will" choices.  Even though our bodies expire, we live many life times.  Some people do not believe in re-incarnation so this won't make sense.  Remember, if you don't breakthrough limiting belief structures, you limit yourself to experience the same reality.  If you open up your heart and mind to the potential of NEW experiences like miraculous healing, then you will create a window of opportunity for the spiritual realm to work through you and help you find the inner peace (and healing) that is your birth right as a part of Creator endowed with the power of transcendence!

So the eternal part of you, or your soul, is what is truly real.  The body is temporary.  The soul journeys through many life times to experience transcendence and eventually transcends all human limitations by gradual energy shifts that expands it's consciousness.  One such limitation is illness like cancer.  Eventually we evolve away from the lower human survival (identification with only the body) mind to a way of being that is more soulful and life affirming.  The journey of the soul is heroic.  We all experience so many difficulties in human life from illness, to losing loved ones, to poverty, relationship issues, abuse, violence, war and all sorts of atrocities.  The traumas we experience bring on fear, anger, sadness, despair.  We don't understand why humans hurt each other when there is so much potential for love in our hearts.

It is the lower human mind of survival which causes most of the "kill or be killed", "survival of the fittest", "winner takes all", "blaming and finger pointing", victim/perpetrator" sort of mentality.  This mentality of separation, the us versus them attitude, that has created all the problems we face including cancer.  Why?  Because deep down we know that there is something very out of balanced in how humanity has been existing.  Our free will choices have boxed our bodies and our environment into a limited, toxic, and dysfunctional existence and the ONLY way out is a Quantum Leap towards love and compassion for self and others. 

The only way to make peace with cancer is to allow self love and compassion to be nurtured and cultivated in your life, all aspects of your life.  But first, focus this love and compassion that is already within your heart (the spark of spirit) towards yourself.  Yes!  You have to figure out how to be kinder to yourself.  Take a vacation from being a "cancer victim".  There is a spacious part of you that is beyond time and space.  You know this.  You feel this when you hold a new born infant, or watch a sunset over the ocean, or descend into blissful slumber each night.  You just know that you are alive in the moment, and your existence is a miracle.  Expand your self-awareness into this spacious part of you.  Then allow this SELF to embrace and hold the lower human self in loving communion.  Allow your beautiful human self to BE as you are with all your trauma and fears.  BE there for yourself.  Let yourself boldly and honestly witness the tension within that created the cancer.  Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge any rage or anger towards God, the world, your parents, or whoever for the feelings of despair your feel because of all the hurt your human has gone through without knowing why a benevolent Creator would allow such things.

All the shame, guilt, and feelings of inadequacy you feel from the conflicting messages in relationships and society that you are somehow just not good enough, therefore you are not deserving of truly fulfilling love, unconditional love.  There is always something that has to be corrected or fixed or earned before you can feel whole and complete.  Each time such limiting beliefs are reinforced by the faults and actions of yourself or others, you become more and more limited, eventually suffocating in a mental box you can not seem to escape.  Can you start to see how your life force energy has been slowly drained from your life by falling deeper into darkness?  Do you see how the negative spiral of self defeating thoughts, actions, and behaviors can do harm to your body?  The body is a reflection of your current mental and emotional outlook on life.  The human mind will try to wiggle out of this sort of self reflection and come out with many arguments to steer you away from looking deep within.  Take heart and keep going and expand your awareness each time your human mind wants to resist, just allow the resistance to come up into awareness and love it.  Say to yourself "I AM big enough and spacious enough to hold myself lovingly through any inner tension."  This willingness to surrender to the present moment will bring about peace as your human self starts letting go of the trauma once it sees that there is a loving presence within allowing it to finally express yourself fully.  Your energy will flow more freely.  Your body will start to heal with each release.  It's a process. Don't give up.  You are worth it.

There is a way out.  It is one choice at a time.  This practice of allowing yourself to BE as you are without judgement will create the breathing room your body needs to heal.  Trust that you can transcend the darkness within by shining your light on it.  The fear, anger, confusion will surface one by one, layer by layer as you journey forward and beyond.  The spacious awareness part of you will expand in depth and duration as you become more heart centered and less focused on the rational human mind.  Eventually the mind will become more peaceful because it now knows you are awake at the wheel and steering yourself out of the dark and back into the light of your soul.