My Little Brother, My Hero

As I write these words tears flow.  My youngest brother Khanh who is 47 (the last born of 6 siblings in our large family) is in the hospital on life support from a severe heart  brain stroke.  Doctors say he may die in a matter of days.  An ongoing vigil of loving friends and family surround him with hopeful prayers.  Why would the youngest of us be the first to pass away, leaving behind his 7 year old daughter and loving wife, is a question that the human mind can never get a satisfactory answer.  So the best way I can answer this question is with no answer and just a story....

During my 2018 awakening I briefly mentioned having a vivid dream/vision in which I merged with a golden being of light that I call my I AM presence.  There is more to this dream that I will mention now.  Before this dream I had been going through massive energy purges and periods of heart openings and euphoria that eventually led to my breast cancer tumor disappearing.  The night of the dream occurred in early November. I was in a state of spiritual ecstasy and sent out a prayer that I wanted to go higher and further.  In the dream a huge golden being of light appeared before me.  It placed in my right hand a glowing ball of pulsating light and transmitted to me that this represented my "world" and everything that I was attached to (friends, family, material possessions).  The being instructed me to look closely at the pulsating ball in my hand.  As I looked at it the ball slowly disappeared.  The being telepathically said "You see, it's all illusion. To go further you must let it go, say goodbye, and merge with me."  I felt a moment of conflict.  My attachments, even though illusions, were very dear to my heart.  I shed tears of sorrow as I said good bye to the dearest things of my world -- my husband Jeff and son Evan.  I knew they would be OK without me even though it hurt me to not be with them.  But I knew the being of light was where I belonged if I really wanted to go further on my journey.

At that moment of decision I peered into the being of light and saw the face of my brother Khanh.  I was surprised that he was already in the being of light.  I pondered what that meant and received a heart knowing that Khanh was really part of the over-soul that I belonged to and that he was already there because he (though youngest among the siblings) had already advanced on his journey where he accomplished this sacred merge, this enlightenment.  Seeing his face in the light gave me courage to finally let go and merge into it even though it felt like I was truly dying.  An indescribable feeling of bliss and peace overcame me as I became One with the light, One with Khanh.

Then I woke up from the dream and realized that I had not died.  A feeling a deep gratitude came over me because somehow I had accomplished a state of "non-attachment" to the dearest things in my world, yet I was still in my body.  What this meant to me was FREEDOM from suffering.  I knew going forward that no matter what happened in my life I would not suffer.  That I was really spirit.  I was a physical manifesting of this being of light which is ALL and eternal.

A couple of weeks later I met Khanh and his wife Lhing at Thanksgiving dinner.  I was so excited to tell them about my vivid dream and what I might mean for Khanh.  I told them about the golden being of light and that Khanh's face was already in it and it gave me courage to merge with it and let go "from my worldly attachments".  They seem to have felt moved by the vision but they did not know from the human mind what it really meant.  I implied that it meant that Khanh is much further along on the journey to enlightenment than he might think, and that he and I are somehow more connected on our journeys.  Then other people came into the room and everyone "moved on" from this discussion and things go back to normal conversion and jokes about me being "crazy".  I know they did not meant to brush me off.  It is very difficult for humans to really talk about spiritual stuff because it means dealing with "death" or releasing attachments and the human ego does not want to address such topics unless it is forced to do so through suffering and crisis.  So I gave up trying to get them to listen to me.

Fast forward to his past week, when Khanh very suddenly had a massive stroke and we are all visiting him at the hospital.  It became clear to me that Khanh, who has always been everyone's favorite sibling, really was a very evolve spiritual being and not just my little brother who likes to joke about me being crazy.  He, unlike me, never needed to have a spontaneous spiritual awakening like I did in 2012.  He was always since birth a very kind compassionate person.  He never once followed in his older siblings footsteps and created drama in his relationships.  We were a dysfunctional family and there were many arguments, finger pointing, and disconnection among us.  Khanh never took sides and always chose the higher road of forgiveness.  He even seemed to circumvent the need for forgiveness by never really getting himself into dramas where there was even a need to forgive.  It was clear by the large number of long time friendships he was cultivated in his life.  He NEVER took himself seriously.  I also didn't take his teasing me as serious in anyway because he is full of light and fun.  He always sought to balance worldly responsibilities without letting work get in the way of family and recreational activities.  Instead of choosing jobs that would increase his salary or provide promotions, he always went for the jobs that allowed him to spend more time with family and friends. During the past 47 years, he lived it to the fullest and had absolutely nothing to regret.  The number of really good friends who flew in from out of state to be by his hospital bed exemplified his inherent positive and loving heart and the kind of life he has lived.  They all seem to know each other too, which indicates that he was very inclusive and often encouraged connections in his network.  Everyone loves him because he loves everyone unconditionally.  They all described him as someone who was always light and joking; dirty jokes were his expertise.  Someone you can always rely on and who was a generous giver and a gracious receiver.  He has impeccable integrity also.  He is my hero and someone I strive to emulate.

Now the dream about the golden being of light is starting to make more sense.  I told my sister about this dream when we were in his hospital room.  She took it to mean that merging with the being of light means Khanh was to die first and the fact that the being of light asked me to let go of my attachments and merge with it meant that I would die next, so she asked "Does this mean you are next to die?  How long do  you think you have? One year? Two years?".  I smiled and thought how funny the human mind can be so linear in conclusions.  Yes, of course if Khanh dies, then I would die AFTER him, since don't we all die?  Life is not about how long  you live, it is about how well you live.  How much heart and love do you give out, versus, fear and negativity?  This is the real question. My reply to her was "I'm not exactly sure when I will die but I think the dream indicates that enlightenment, or merging with the being of light and letting go of our attachments, does not have to wait until we die (since I woke up from the dream and realized I was still alive), we can choose it NOW, and also that Khanh is the Buddha among us because he exemplifies a very evolved soul who is ahead of us on the journey."

Later that night after this conversation, I dedicated my evening meditations to connecting with Khanh.  I started getting visions of him playing in a beautiful field with my mom, who passed away in September 2016, and Khanh was very close to her and really missed her.  They were both young looking, almost the same age.  I floated up to him and asked him when he plans on getting back in his body.  He telepathically sent me so much love as a reply that my question was not relevant.  He was in a state of bliss and joy and is where he wants to be.  He told me to keep connecting with him through my heart and as I can see he and my mom are alive and well.  The next night I meditated with him again, and this time he sent me waves and waves of healing bliss energy.  More than I had every felt before.  If you have read my previous posts, you will know I feel a lot of bliss energy, but connecting to Khanh's soul catapulted me into even higher states of bliss.  I felt so overwhelmed my his love for me and the cells of my body sang and danced with joy!  I telepathically said to him, "why are you giving me so much, should you not use this for you own body in the hospital?"  He replied that we are of One soul all of us.  That by my ability to connect to him, we can experience what is always and already available to all and it is amplified when two souls merge as One and if I was feeling the bliss, he was also feeling it by giving it -- the giving and receiving it how the bliss energy is experienced.  He asked me to shine this forth to his family and all who will be open to it.

The next day, I visited him in the hospital and meditated holding his hand.  We shared more bliss energy and I observed his visions.  He was showing me holographic pictures of things he liked to do, like cuddling with his daughter in the living room chair, going on road trips to Canada with family and friends, walking around his work office cubicle and campus, laughing and joking with his wife, etc.  Then he gave me a message to give his wife.  He said (telepathically since souls don't use words to communicate) she was burdened in her heart and he could not transmit the same healing bliss energy to her and that he asked me to help her relieve the burden and lighten up so he could get through.  I sat down with her and shared the message.  I feel that there will be more messages and more transmissions from him as he is very much alive and wants all who love him to know this and feel his bliss and merge with it.  I love you Khanh so much and I thank you for so generously sharing with me and being my hero and leader showing and encouraging me to let go of my worldly attachments and connect with the One soul that you already are!

Another Full Moon Breakthrough!

I was full of hope and anticipation that yesterday's May 18th full moon would bring about another trans-formative experience within me.  The universe did not disappointment.  I had the most self-empowering, beautiful dream that was so real I woke up KNOWING that I had finally made the breakthrough I have been "working" on for so long.  NOW, I can say that the journey of life is truly not about accomplishing anything on the external or seeking money, power, validation, relationships, or medical cures.  It is about transcending all the mental limitations within the human psyche that blocks us from FEELING our true power.  Only when we achieve this level of self-awareness can all mental, emotional, and physical suffering end.  This is "The Way" out of the 3D matrix of separation, drama, trauma, and dis-ease.  It is an inward journey as wells as making moment to moment choices in the external reality to be more loving and compassionate towards oneself and others and release attachments to the distractions of the external in order to focus more on the inner.  For me, the journey has been a lot of energy work which involves dream work.  Dreams, like everything, are made of energy created by the subconscious mind.  Everything is created by mind even the solid things we call our bodies and our world.  Nothing exists outside our consciousness.  Going from 3D to 5D is an expansion of consciousness by means of massive energy that moves into the human mind from the Divine mind which is inseparable from the human mind.  So technically the human mind experiences limitations and suffering only temporarily until we each make a choice to expand our consciousness beyond the limitations.  This is the journey.  The suffering we experience is actually the catalyst that keeps us focused on the journey when we are tired of experiencing pain and suffering and want to experience true FREEDOM.  The journey goes on and on infinitely so there is no ultimate destination, just breakthroughs after breakthroughs each one propelling us further and further away from suffering and closer and closer to Oneness with God/Source.  I've been on this journey consciously since my 2012 awakening.  But all of humanity is on this journey either subconsciously or consciously each with our own individual twists and turns.

Let me first give a little background on the "dream work" that I have been doing.  In dreams we process our mental and emotional experiences.  We also "travel" to other parallel realities and expand our consciousness beyond our normal waking reality and explore possibilities that allow us to bring back into our waking reality what we need to progress along our path.  The path I speak of is the "journey" towards self-discovery, which is also the journey to connecting to our spiritual nature and thus end human suffering.  Suffering is our limiting human mind's experience of feeling disconnected from our source (our spirit, the part of us that is One with God).  When we are disconnected we become a closed loop energetically and suffer mentally, emotionally, physically because we do not have the Divine energy required to clear all the denser reactive energies of fear, anger, confusion, hopelessness that occur when we get bombarded with the 3D programming that runs in the collective human consciousness.  In a closed loop we are trapped in the 3D matrix and experience the illusions of separation that perpetuate endless suffering, war, strife, illness, hopelessness.

After my 2012 awakening, I received a massive download of energy into my mind and soon realized that I could become very aware in my dreams.  Most people don't remember their dreams due to a lack of mental energy or self-awareness.  Some of my dreams became lucid dreams in which I realized I was dreaming while I was still in the dream.  This is a power state of mind because I began to connect the truth that EVERYTHING in my experience even my waking state, was happening in a dream, within my mind (my consciousness).  This level of self-awareness allowed me to choose differently than most people.  I became less fearful and reactive and more curious about how this all works and why I experience what I experience.  This is why in 2018 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer that I knew that I was free to pick a less painful way to deal with it.  I decided to do more "inner work" or energy work instead of traditional surgery and chemo which would have been more painful and in my mind, not really bring about REAL healing.  I knew that illness is a distortion of mind and my body is a creation of my mind so I had to address WHY my mind was creating the illness.

Because of my choices I began to receive more energetic downloads that have progressively brought me into more expansive states of consciousness where I experience a deeper connection to my own soul and also connection to the higher realms of spirit where Divine energies purified my mental and emotional energetic fields from the dark and dense traumas that I held within my body and energy field.  This was initially an difficult, sometimes horrific experience because I actually experienced the fear, anger, sadness move through and out of my consciousness.  But I knew I had to surrender to the experiences and venture into the unknown that my limited human mind did not understand.  If I did not keep going on the path, I knew the cancer would kill my body and I knew that was not the path I wanted.  I wanted to heal my body and mind.  After the tough purging experiences, the journey became less bumpy and I began to experience the energy of BLISS during my meditations.  This melted away all my pain and resistance.  This BLISS is a vibration in very cell of my being that was so pleasurable, beyond anything I had every experienced.

Every full moon and equinox/solstice I get an energetic boost.  Yesterday's full moon resulted in more BLISS energy vibrating in my body as I laid in bed doing my evening meditation.  Then I fell asleep blissfully and had this amazing dream that was a huge breakthrough.  This past month, I was dreaming almost every night and some of the dreams were very dark.  They were about releasing ancestral karma and releasing fear and blockages that were preventing me from accessing my full potential for co-creating magic and miracles.  Releasing the dark, dense energies from my consciousness has been an ongoing process.  There are layers upon layers.  It's no surprise to me why I got breast cancer. WOW.  There was so much "suppression of the feminine" in my energy field.  It was from my ancestral line and also deep within the collective human consciousness that I am also inseparable from.  All the violence against women throughout all time was stored within me.  I believe we all have this same core wound within us.  I had to witness and release it within my dreams.  With each release I felt lighter and more BLISS energy came.

Last night, I finally had a dream that was not dark or addressing some block or fear.  I had finally made it to a breakthrough point where it was fully able to experience a higher state of being that I knew was my true heritage after moving past and releasing all the hurt and trauma of my past and my ancestors.  In this wonderful dream, I was in a parallel reality where I lived in a huge mansion overlooking a gorgeous scenery of rolling hills, blue clouds and ocean. In the dream I was "practicing" my mind powers within some fresh plant clippings.  I would hold the leaves in my hand and "command" them with my mind to wither and dry up.  Magically it worked and the leaves transformed as commanded in my hands.  I got really excited that I could finally do this.  So I traveled over to where a group of friends gathered.  They were like my respected colleagues in this dream world like we were scientists working on how to accomplish mind over matter together and I was the first to figure it out.  I brought them to my house and demonstrated to them with the plant clippings what I had just done and they were in awe and celebration.  I was so excited.  Then I told them that I could also now levitate myself.  I confidently jumped into the air and levitated spinning around the room and floated with my legs crossed in a yogi position.  They were all in shock.  I told them to record this phenomenon with their iphones, which they all began to take pictures of me.  I felt exhilaration, all my efforts have finally paid off and my magical abilities have finally come on line!  I next went outside to the beautiful view and catapulted myself over the air floating over the hills and ocean flying around.  I felt so empowered and magical.  I then floated back in for a smooth landing on the concrete patio.  Then I woke up slowly from this beautiful dream feeling like all my inner work and clearing of dark energies from the past has finally lifted me into this new state of being where I could now confidently and joyfully express my true powers not only within this dream state, but also carry this forth into my waking state, which is also a form of dream within the One mind.

Laying in bed feeling so vindicated, grateful, and confident I basked in the glory of this moment.  I wondered how I should wield this new "level up" power.  I felt a tension in my back, a knot that was hurting me yesterday.  So I sent bliss charged energy into that area feeling very confident in my new abilities.  Sure enough, energy began to flow into that knot and I felt a warm vibration so pleasure fill my entire back area. Within seconds this vibration dissolved the knot that I tried and tried to massage out yesterday and could not.  Next, I sent the bliss energy into my armpit area where I had been feeling some discomfort and the vibration moved into my armpit and all the tensions melted away.  It felt so good!

I'm so excited about how this wonderful dream affects my waking reality going forward.  I know it has something to do with commanding the energy of bliss, Divine energy and using it to heal myself and affect my waking reality in miraculous ways.  What a beautiful journey this has been and continues to be.  I know if I keep flowing with the universe and surrendering to this inner work I will keep having these magical trans-formative experiences.  This gives me not only hope but also a clear understanding of why I AM here and how I can serve by sharing my experiences and being an example of how we can each reach within ourselves overcome our fear and suffering and free ourselves from the 3D matrix that keeps us limited and powerless.  May the PEACE of God be with you!