I’m listening to my favorite Christmas carol “Oh Holy Night” on this sacred holiday for so many on earth. This song brings up tears of joy and rememberence of a deep soul yearning for LOVE and union with the Divine. And I think to myself what a wonderful world we live in. Feeling into all hearts both those who believe the spirit of Christ lives in our hearts and those who have other beliefs that are just as beautiful. It’s the time of year to celebrate what makes us human; the eternal light of brotherly love for one and all. On this day our light burns bright with hope for peace and harmony for ourselves and our world. I’m not a religious person. I have never been someone who can conform to any set social organization like going to church or temple. But I enjoy occasionally visiting different places of worship because of the love and unity. I know my true nature which makes me very grounded in my own being and able to go inside for strength and comfort. The light shines on all regardless of personal beliefs. It’s up to each individual to accept and reflect the light of creation in their own unique way. We are free, loved and supported by our I AM presence always.
So this Christmas time I embrace all worn and weary souls with the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. Whoever and wherever you are your long suffering and yearning for true lasting joy and peace is nigh. The time is upon us. A new earth dawns. The return of the Christ light is here and it shines brightly through many embodied souls. The world is changing as this light illuminates the truth that we are MORE than we have been lead to believe we are. Ignorance and darkness dissolves into the light. Mankind is redeemed from war and strife. Look to the light always. The 3D illusions of this world that seemed so real a few years ago are starting to show themselves as dysfunctional and toxic, and at times so comical it’s getting harder to not scratch your head and think “I seem to be living inside a Jerry Springer-like TV show where world leaders act like 2 year olds”. The masses are awakening and will not be fooled back to sleep again. Love and unity is the only way out of this mess humanity is experiencing. Finally it’s OUR time to take back our power individually and collectively. Rejoice! This is what Christmas means to me. Peace unto you beloved family of light!
Monday, December 24, 2018
Saturday, December 22, 2018
Co-creating with the Universe 101
This is an update to my last blog about co-creating the universe 101 that I wrote last year. I AM predicting that the Seahawks will be in the Superbowl with the Baltamore Ravens. At the time of my prediction in 2018 the energy vortex was starting to form into manifestation so we did not win in 2019. But I will still keep the vision that we can win in 2020.
So as co-creators with the universe we have to trust and not be afraid of failure. Let go and let the universe unfold beautifully.
Let's explore more what it means to be self-realized or enlightened. We give up judgement. Period. That means we don't beat ourselves up anymore when we fail to accomplish our goals. We don't compare ourselves to anyone else because that's futile. You can't change places with people folks. Get over it. So trying to be better than someone else is like a hamster running inside a wheel. You can try and try but in the end, you are just still you. Luckily being you is pretty awesome so let's move on from trying to be anyone else but you.
Once all that is behind you and you've reach a certain level of self awareness where you just know "it really doesn't matter whether you are right or wrong" then you can start co-creating consciously with the universe. Keep in mind that you are always creating your reality unconsciously. That's why "bad things happen to good people". There is a cosmic dance of lights going on here. We are like children playing cowboys and Indians and doing it so well that we are lost in our roles and forgetting we are really just playing and we can play any game we want. When we get lost in our roles we often box our minds into a corner, a limiting mental box of "I AM a cowboy, so I hate the Indians that's what I do, it's me, it's my world." Then someone comes along and says, hey someone is playing a new game called "peace on earth" and we say, "oh no, that's not who I AM. I'm a cowboy, so there can't be peace with Indians."
Then sooner or later enlightenment comes along and upends our world. This is a natural course of evolution. NOW we think "what am I without my role? ". I will tell you what you are. You are limitless! Period. So just relax. Take your time. Decide what you really want to co-create in your reality. It could be anything your soul desires. How fast and what way your creation will manifest in your reality is up to your God self to out picture into your mind/body and world. Often times, the manifestations appear as strange co-incidences that are so imaginatively subtle, even genius when we start to notice how the universe reflects back to us our deepest thoughts, desires, emotions. This is a very subjective process. If you are new to wielding your co-creative powers, it takes patience and focus. It feels like writing with the opposite hand when you first start it because the human mind does not easily focus well on one vision for long so directing creative energy takes practice and focus. In the same breath it also takes NEUTRALITY. This is an important concept. It means no fear or doubt regarding the outcome. You just send heart felt desires out to the universe and let it go!
Unconscious creations (which often result in undesirable outcomes) are not created in neutrality. They are often created by out of control thoughts and emotions, especially fear,stress and worry. Conscious creation (creating experiences you intend) require more consistency in your thoughts and emotions. But when we create from the heart it is easy to maintain consistency because the heart is so strong electromagnetically; it alters the matter-light (the light that creates the experience of matter or form).
Let me give you a personal example. When I first experienced the heighten state of self awareness in December 2012, I remembered my spiritual identity. So I knew that I can whimsically manifest anything I desired without effort because I was child of God and endowed with God's creative powers. One day as I was kicking around a football with a friend I had a spontaneous desire that my favorite football team, the Seahawks, should win the super bowl and play against my "arch enemy" team, the Denver Broncos. I did not doubt for a second that it could come true in my reality because I knew who I was. Now this is a high level of mind creations because there is perfect faith here. Perfect faith is an internal knowing so profound that there is no room for doubt.
What did I do? Did I keep my desire a secret? No. I pronounced it was a matter of fact to the entire world, "I love the Seahawks and they will make it to the super bowl and play against the Broncos!". I even posted it twice on my Facebook page and the date of the post was in December 2012. If you go to my Facebook page history you will see the 2012 post. At the time, I did not really follow NFL football day to day. I had no idea how the Seahawks were doing and it was very late in the season. So at the time that I made this call, both the Seahawks and the Broncos were not really doing well enough to make it to the playoffs that year.
However, in 2013, the very next year things changed. At that time, I had completely forgotten the crazy prediction I made the year earlier. That year, both teams did really well and not only made it to the play offs, but guess what? They both played in the super bowl in Feb 2014 and my beloved Seahawks won their first and only super bowl championship. As I look back I can see that my heart felt desire came true because I did not hesitate. I did not doubt even though the current information at the time did not support what I wanted to create, I trusted the universe would magically out picture my wishes in Divine time.
Now this year 2018, my husband and I wish to manifest Seahawks and the Baltimore Ravens in the super bowl. I have not posted it on Facebook, but I will just state it in this blog for all to see. My state of consciousness now is not the same as it was in Dec 2012. I am more integrated now. More balanced. I am curious to see how it unfolds this time. Go Seahawks!
Envision what you want to manifest in your mind's eye (your imagination) and play it over and over like a movie. Feel into it. Live it like it was real. Then don't obsess about it or when how or where it crosses over into your reality, just let the universe do all the heavy lifting for you. Release your attachment to it. A watch pot never boils right? Stay in NEUTRALITY. If things don't go your way, you have not failed. You are still the LOVE/LIGHT and you are still powerful. There is just a misalignment between what your human ego mind wants and what your greater mind (your soul) wants. This is when you have to let go and realize co-creating is not about force. It is about FLOW. Jesus tells me there will be a level of mastery that can be achieved by humans in which instant manifesting can easily occur, but this requires each individual to continue on the path towards Christhood, which is a high level of self-awareness when there is no longer any separation between the human mind and the God/universal mind. It's a beautiful process of evolution that we are all progressing towards. We first need to learn how to crawl before we can walk. It's like giving a sharp ninja sword to baby. Believe me, it is more wise to allow the baby time to mature. So have patience. You are the LIGHT of the world that is true but you have diapers on still and that's OK. We are each precious creations and the journey is eternal. We have eternity to explore and play with the energy of creation. The real goal NOW is to step into our power and stop the external search for God and look within ourselves where God is.
What if you wanted to manifest something more profound than football game outcomes? What if you wanted to heal cancer? This gets a little complicated. It depends on your soul journey and the reasons why your have cancer. I already posted previously about how my cancer tumor disappeared AFTER I went through some intense energy clearing. Cancer or illness can be tricky because of the energy involved. When you think about football games, it's light and just fun. When you think about cancer or illness, the energy is more severe and there can be some fear or pain. It's not easy to move creative energy when you are ill and not feeling or thinking at a higher vibration. When the body is sick, it is a message to look deep within your own mental and emotional systems to see what is causing the density and blockages in your field. I recommend those who are ill seek an energy healer who has had experience with clearing cancer. We are here to help each other after all.
What about co-creating wealth? It would depend on your individual relationship with money or success. Are you whole enough in your being so clearly see that you are a not here to experience lack of any kind? Many people (I AM one of them) grow up in poverty and have to learn how to view themselves in a different light. Some have a strong drive to succeed and become wealthy because of their childhood poverty, and some succumb to a lower mindset and do not try to lift themselves up. Poverty in itself can be a great teacher either way. I have an abundant view on life. Even when I grew up poor, or have had financial struggles in life, I knew that I would always have what I needed and truly wanted. This attitude has allowed me to share generously from the heart regardless of how much money I have. So address your personal reason on why you want wealth. If the reason is fear-based, like you feel others will love you more if you are wealthy or you feel insecure if you don't have a lot of money in your bank account because you don't trust the universe to provide for you in Divine timing, then you are in a state of low energy which will not produce the results you want.
So my beloved soul sisters and brothers, we co-create with our hearts and our minds fully united in self love. If we love ourselves fully we can co-create with ease. We FLOW with the universe and synchronicities pop up everywhere reflecting back to us what we put out. Trust that this creative process is in you and all around you. We are light. We are love. We are One. May the peace of God be with you.
Change is part of life: Parable of the Chevy and the Tesla
Enlightenment is a journey of self-awareness. It's a gradual booting up of an operating system upgrade (ascension to 5D as most awakened souls call it) where the consciousness of the human expands and transforms into a completely new experience self. It's not something the average person strives for really because it is such a quantum leap that the human mind can not fathom how or even why this transformation takes place. Does it happen to everyone. Short answer is YES! But it is not initiated by the human/ego mind which is the current experience of self. It is a seed of Spirit that sprouts within the human heart as naturally as life creates new life. It is an external spiraling out of God's love and plan for all of creation, all of us. That is why it is beyond us to control or sort out with the linear thinking human mind which can only remain ignorant of what God is.
So it is through the energy center of the heart that transformation takes place, then expands out to all. And since we are all connected to this intricate web of life, when one person or soul wakes up, there is an uplifting of ALL. That is why the momentum in awakening consciousness is so strong NOW. When I query the quantum field (which is tuning into the creative energy of the universe/God with a particular intent, thought, question to retrieve information) to understand what all this means for me in my own life I begin to connect the dots and see that many points of light already in place on earth at this time.
I can describe this vision I see as a parable. There is a strong movement (due to expanding human consciousness) away from gasoline cars towards electric cars. The growth in electrical vehicles is accelerating. Mass consciousness is changing. We all want a new way of transportation that is not only a pleasure and ease to operate and maneuver but is also not using smelly toxic gas extracted out of the earth with fracking. This is not a judgement; it is what is being experienced by the masses. I used to drive a Chevy when I was 20, and now 30 years later I drive a Tesla. I have evolved in my choices. I picked the Tesla because I wanted a NEW experience of beauty, ease, harmony, abundance. This car has autopilot and even parallel parks all by itself. How many of us would love not to have to do our own parallel parking and to be able to close our eyes and relax in comfort while moving along in perfect harmony with all of rush hour traffic.
When we first started driving a Tesla in 2016 there weren't that many around. Today, there are Tesla's everywhere we go. We can pull up at a local stop light and there would be an identical color make model Tesla right in front of us. Plus, as we learn to share and not "own" things, riding in a Tesla would be a common experience for all who want to. I see auto piloted electrical cars being "shared" by the masses coming soon to your neighborhoods.
I see human consciousness evolving towards greater beauty, ease, health, harmony and abundance for all who choose the light! Some may see the world in the opposite perspective as the chaos energies rise up for release. Take heart, these energies can not thrive on earth anymore. The light frequencies are changing. Remember our reality is a hologram made of light frequencies. The changes are here now. We co-create reality with our minds. Higher consciousness of love can bend reality, and is exponentially more powerful than fear. We will make new choices. We will learn to share and connect with one another across the globe. We will heal the earth in innovative new ways. I see it. I feel it happening and we are not alone. There will be more and more ET contact experiences now that the veil is lifting from the earth.
If you are scared, confused, stressed or worried about anything in your life, just BREATHE. It's going to get better. I AM here for you all. My door is wide open to listen, love, heal and connect with all hearts who yearn for something MORE than what the material world can offer. Together we can birth a new earth, a new way of being where competition, greed and separation is only a distant memory of childhood squabbles. As you read these words, I send you PEACE, LIGHT, LOVE.
So it is through the energy center of the heart that transformation takes place, then expands out to all. And since we are all connected to this intricate web of life, when one person or soul wakes up, there is an uplifting of ALL. That is why the momentum in awakening consciousness is so strong NOW. When I query the quantum field (which is tuning into the creative energy of the universe/God with a particular intent, thought, question to retrieve information) to understand what all this means for me in my own life I begin to connect the dots and see that many points of light already in place on earth at this time.
I can describe this vision I see as a parable. There is a strong movement (due to expanding human consciousness) away from gasoline cars towards electric cars. The growth in electrical vehicles is accelerating. Mass consciousness is changing. We all want a new way of transportation that is not only a pleasure and ease to operate and maneuver but is also not using smelly toxic gas extracted out of the earth with fracking. This is not a judgement; it is what is being experienced by the masses. I used to drive a Chevy when I was 20, and now 30 years later I drive a Tesla. I have evolved in my choices. I picked the Tesla because I wanted a NEW experience of beauty, ease, harmony, abundance. This car has autopilot and even parallel parks all by itself. How many of us would love not to have to do our own parallel parking and to be able to close our eyes and relax in comfort while moving along in perfect harmony with all of rush hour traffic.
When we first started driving a Tesla in 2016 there weren't that many around. Today, there are Tesla's everywhere we go. We can pull up at a local stop light and there would be an identical color make model Tesla right in front of us. Plus, as we learn to share and not "own" things, riding in a Tesla would be a common experience for all who want to. I see auto piloted electrical cars being "shared" by the masses coming soon to your neighborhoods.
I see human consciousness evolving towards greater beauty, ease, health, harmony and abundance for all who choose the light! Some may see the world in the opposite perspective as the chaos energies rise up for release. Take heart, these energies can not thrive on earth anymore. The light frequencies are changing. Remember our reality is a hologram made of light frequencies. The changes are here now. We co-create reality with our minds. Higher consciousness of love can bend reality, and is exponentially more powerful than fear. We will make new choices. We will learn to share and connect with one another across the globe. We will heal the earth in innovative new ways. I see it. I feel it happening and we are not alone. There will be more and more ET contact experiences now that the veil is lifting from the earth.
If you are scared, confused, stressed or worried about anything in your life, just BREATHE. It's going to get better. I AM here for you all. My door is wide open to listen, love, heal and connect with all hearts who yearn for something MORE than what the material world can offer. Together we can birth a new earth, a new way of being where competition, greed and separation is only a distant memory of childhood squabbles. As you read these words, I send you PEACE, LIGHT, LOVE.
Thursday, December 20, 2018
Being the Light during Turbulent Times
Hello my beloved soul family of light,
My connection to the angelic realm has been intensifying as more photonic light is being dispersed throughout the earth. So many old energies are rising up for clearing and healing. What has been brewing in the financial markets since the 11/11 gateway has been a spectacular out-picturing of what these energies are doing to our current 3D reality. When seemingly everything was going just fine the DOW plunged 2000 points since 11/11/18 and accelerated since the 12/12 gateway. As an ego personality I should be one of those stressed out investors after seeing my stock account drop six figures in a matter of weeks.
I am so grateful for how merciful and balanced the universe is. Someone like me who is so plugged into spirituality can also be plugged into society and have a family, home, cars, stock accounts. We can be abundantly blessed and also enlightened. We don't have to be monks and hide out in a cave anymore. We can be fully integrated in society like agents of light infiltrating the earth to awaken those who need to see the light expressed in a way that they can relate to. That means I AM one of you. I have an ego human mind that doesn't know everything and experiences all the same challenges like financial losses, cancer, childhood trauma, all that makes us what we are. I wish the angels would tell me when to buy, hold and sell stocks, but they don't. That would just side track me from the mission. If I had the magic golden touch, my ego would be 100% focused on the external manifestation of amassing a gigantic fortune. Thank GOD there is a higher intelligence operating through me. I get just enough guidance and inspiration to have everything that I truly need and truly desire. And that is balance. Perfect. No more no less.
I am not my ego. I AM so much more. I AM the light and the bridge between heaven and earth. Do not fear the upcoming changes. The ascended realm is here to help us adapt and focus on NEW goals. Acquiring wealth and owing a nice house, car, and flying first class is really cool and fun for the separate ego that focuses on only personal and material experiences. But NOW is the time of ascension. NOW is the time for choice. I choose to BE the light. I choose peace and prosperity for all. This means the old systems of personal gain and greed must transform into something MORE supportive of our evolving human consciousness! We can usher in peace and end all war by making ONE small choice at a time to share, love, forgive, be open minded and just BE. We can BE more and do less. This will likely crash the stock markets more but let it go folks. It's time for a new way of being.
The ascended masters tell me we all will have exactly what we need to accomplish our soul missions in this lifetime. The energies will support us as we continue to expand, surrender, forgive, and allow the changes to transform us and our world. Those who refuse or reject the new energies are fighting a futile battle. Have compassion for their suffering will be short lived as things accelerate, all will flow with the River of Life as it increases it's breadth and intensity in these new times. They tell us to fear not. This is our time to shine. Go out and multiply your talents and call on the angels to help you KICK ASS as a warrior of light. If you are not feeling the intense joy and bliss or getting the massive downloads that inspire you to create and accomplish your desires, then ask the angels to release the blocks. Here's a hint: FORGIVE, SURRENDER and TRUST. The angels work with me all the time to show me what I have to let go of so I can keep expanding and receiving more light. Heck we all have so much baggage from past lives and even our childhood. We can't get out of our own heads without some high vibrational assistance which acts like a pressure washer in our energy fields.
So now instead of obsessing about my stock account, I have decided to flow with the new energies and ignore all the crazy gyrations. I will focus on this blog to share my story and experiences with awakening consciousness which have been so incredible and life affirming. LOVE is the only reality. Everything else is imagination!
I AM here to support and love you all on your respective journeys!
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
From Breast Cancer to Enlightenment, Jesus, Angels, ETs
I'm just going to skip the in between years since my 2012 awakening and get to the good stuff which is more the PRESENT time. It's December 2018 already and this past year has been incredibly AMAZING. In March of this year I was diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer (Her2+, estrogen sensitive, grade type 3) which triggered the next phase of my spiritual evolution.
The diagnosis was sobering at first but surprisingly I was not as fearful about it as I thought someone in my predicament "should" be. My sister in law went through it last year and it seemed awful. I'm an em-path so perhaps deep down I wanted to take on her suffering to develop compassion for others. The soul journey is one of exploration. The human ego mind is not conscious of the deeper desires of the soul to experience connection and compassion. What we experience in ourselves we heal in both ourselves and others. Cancer (and illnesses in general) is a manifestation of a deeper soul distortion, which is stored in the energy field around our bodies. I consulted four different oncologists, all of which assured me I needed surgery, radiation, and chemo. They all assured me that because the cancer was aggressive that the tumor would double in size in a matter of weeks and that I would likely die without treatment. I knew they were just doing their jobs, but ultimately, my fate was in my own hands. There are no victims. There are only opportunities to transcend. This is a really radical perspective, but it is my perspective as a sovereign spiritual being. I take responsibility for my life experiences and my creations. There is definitely something larger at work than what my personality self is conscious of. I am determined to become enlightenment to this greater part of me even if I have to experience dying of cancer. The reason why refusing conventional treatment lead to the "reward" of spiritual enlightenment in my life was because in my mind conventional treatment represents FEAR. And I wanted to choose LOVE instead. I want to trust myself, my true self that is inseparable from God. If I was God why would I choose to let my body suffer through conventional treatment. I wanted the real healing. Why is the cancer in my body? I want to get to the real cause of it. When LOVE is chosen over FEAR, the angelic realm takes notice. It's free will. Until humans are willing choose LOVE, we will not get the assistance from God since we have not exercised our faith. We are here to co-create with God and to do that, we must be brave enough to choose LOVE over fear. It's not because we get punished when we choose fear. It's all energy. Like attracts like. If you chose fear, then you create the experiences associated with the energy of fear and that is often a painful experience. Again, this is my story, my own subjective experience. I do not judge other people's choices or experiences. I honor all others and their choices. Period. We are all sovereign endowed with free will to choose and think for ourselves and allow others the same respect.
My lack of fear is also the result of my awakening in 2012. Since then I had longed to return to that state of enlightenment and actually maintain it. Well little did I know at the time of my diagnosis that I was going to get my prayer answered. I refused medical treatment beyond scans and blood tests. I was determined to trust God. I know we don't really die and that I am not my body. I knew inherently that as spiritual beings we had power to heal our bodies that the human mind is not fully aware of. This power comes from our God self; the part of us you can call the I AM presence or Holly Spirit. As we begin to awaken to our true nature which is spirit and not really the human mind, we begin to re-call this inherent knowledge and wisdom. I experience them as "downloads" to my mind which brings about feelings of an expansion in awareness accompanied by sessions of energy vibrating and moving throughout my body and energy field. It's pretty AWESOME to experience these downloads and expansions. However, to get to that state of enlightenment I underwent some very intense initiations that resulted in my physical, emotional, mental and identity bodies detoxing and purifying with every wave of energy.
This all happened over the course of 6-7 months since March and continues to this moment. It feels like an ever upward spiral that is fueled by my heart's desire to get closer to God; this I AM presence that is within me. I experience it as an energy of pure unconditional love that permeates my mind and body. My 2018 awakening was completely different than the 2012 one. This time is deeper, longer, and more intense and expansive. Best of all, as I had prayed for, my state of enlightenment appears to be stable and sustainable this time. I am more whole and complete in my mind/body. I started with a physical detox. I searched the internet and found www.ChrisBeatCancer.com. This website by Chris Wark gave me all the nutrition and supplement information to detox my physical body. I started organic juicing and eating whole foods and taking supplements. I did it for a few weeks and lost weight and started feeling better.
Then the emotional detox happened next. It took me by complete surprise since I was a pretty happy person to begin with I did not think I needed to emotionally detox. But as I found out, our energy fields carry subconsciously embedded dense emotional energy of fear, anger, sadness from past traumas. It goes very deep because we inherit in our DNA the ancestral karma. Like how illness and genetic flaws are passed on from generation to generation until it is healed. The emotional purification was the most horrific and strangest experience of my life. It happened in late April when I started taking CBD oil (it's a cannabis extract that is used to naturally treat cancer tumors). I normally just get a little drowsy when I take it but one day I must have taken too much. There are no accidents really, it was the universe setting me up for a major purge and healing.
What ensued was 6 hours of sheer hellish waves of raw chaos energy passing through my body and mind. It felt awful. I kept focusing on my breath and intuitively telling myself to surrender and let go. The ordeal was so intense I felt I was literally being torn into pieces energetically. Like all the atoms in my body were vibration and exploding. Streams of emotion in raw energy of anger, sadness, and fear poured out of my core and released up and out of my energy field. Wave after wave it felt most torturous and extremely uncomfortable. I cried out in pain wanting relief and only having my breath to turn to and my faith. I kept telling myself "All is well" and to surrender to it. When things got unbearable I would focus on breathing through it, like a woman in labor pain. Towards the end of this shamanic like journey I went through a tunnel and disintegrated into pure energy. I no longer sensed my body or my breath. I felt like I had died. Then slowly I exited the tunnel and saw in my mind's eye the word "purge" written in cursive lightening bolt font flash three times slowly in front of me. After the third flash I came back into my body and projectile vomited all over myself. Then all the sudden there was complete stillness. Just wonderful merciful stillness. A peace washed over me so lovingly. I felt light as feather. My husband who had been very concerned witnessing this ordeal asked me if he should call 911. I held his hand still feeling very high from the euphoria. I said, "Now I have compassion for all suffering. I can not outwardly fix the problems of the world but I now know how to bring about real peace." This inner peace that I was experiencing after the massive emotional energy purge was so incredible.
I had no idea that chaos energy was inside of me and that process of releasing/purging it was so liberating. The day after that experience, I started feeling waves of intense bliss. I would sing and dance in joyous celebration spontaneously. The main song I kept singing was "Heaven is a place on Earth" by Belinda Carlyle. I would dance and sing to this song and get my son and husband to join me, which really lifted their spirits too. I felt reborn again. I began to really heal. In September I went back to the oncologist 6 months after my diagnosis to get a CT Scan. I was a little nervous since I had dropped off the radar from the oncologists and did not get any treatment. I was worried maybe the cancer did spread like the doctors said. I did all sorts of prayer and visualization prior to the CT Scan. Feeling and visualizing the best outcome possible. When I went in to get the scan results I felt quite upbeat about it. My oncologists was a bit surprised when we read the report together. The aggressive tumor was completely gone! There was no spreading of the cancer. Even the 3-4 lymph nodes that were affected reduced to only 2, and the biggest lymph node shrunk 30%.
To this day, I can feel the lymph node is getting smaller and smaller. I can feel energy flow and healing the area in my armpit. I feel great physically, emotionally and mentally. I eagerly meditate for hours everyday since I now have such a strong connection to my I AM presence. It's pure bliss and light. Such intense love that there is nothing outwardly on earth the compares to it. I float around in sheer delight to be alive! I did not just snap my fingers and make my cancer go away. It was a complex process of letting go of the past. I believe my healing and ongoing energy experiences are a miracle. My miracle. Waves of gratitude swell in my heart that there is so much love overflowing in me. I want to transmit this healing and love to the whole world! This is how life can be for all of us in every moment. This is the life I have always dreamed of. And if getting breast cancer resulted in this new state of being, I think I have received a sweet deal indeed!
The energy and expansion experiences keep intensifying. I have lucid dreams, visions of merging with a golden being of light I call my I AM presence. My body vibrates and tremors of electricity flow up and down my spine. The heat along my spine gets so intense during downloads. When the Kundalini energy came in again to my body in October, it was so much stronger than 2012. This time the energy went all the way through my body and I laughed as it tickled me from the inside out. I lauged so hard for like an hour before I could ground the energy and relax. Since then I have been a wide open door for Divine energy and revelations to flow through me. Frequently, my hearts explodes with so much love it feels like the entire cosmos lives inside me! My third eye started to open more. During normal waking states I can clearly see that another world exists in my inner sight. I also started having inner visions of Jesus and myself as a soul and it is as if we are old friends. Jesus communicates to me telepathically. When I first connect with him I was so overwhelmed with emotions of HOME. There were celestial angelic beings there too all welcoming me. At first I fell at his feet. He quickly grabbed my arm and stood me up. He said that we are equals, and that God is the ultimate servant of all. So he anointed my feet with oil in loving service to me. I was so overcome with humility and adoration for Him. The love of God brought tears of joy pouring down my cheeks. We talk about my mission and how all my life was preparation for this awakening. I was the lost sheep. I was also the shepherd. I was to step into my own power as God shines through me. In my beingness (being the real me) I will help everyone in my world. We are each individualized aspects of God; we are the body of God/universe/creator. Our thoughts, feelings, emotions, create our experience of our world. We each experience our world subjectively. That is why judgement is pointless. We create our own reality. Everything on earth is made of light, which comes from the being of the Creator. The light vibrates in wave patters and spiral pulses of infintie frequencies and oscillations and when viewed by our human senses, the light takes form as a 3D reality. We are the imagination of ourselves. We are dreaming all this. There is no absolute right or wrong. There is no "right" way to experience or act. It's all up to the individual to choose. I asked why God makes it so hard to remember all this and leaves his creations (us) lost stumbling in the dark? I asked so many questions and got so many profound answers. The answers were not transmitted as words because these type of questions/answers can not really be processed my the human mind. So it was a intuitive knowing transmitted to my heart as an energy. I will try to translate into words on another post some of the big questions and answers, but it would not really be same. It would be like me trying to teach you how to swim by writing words. If the goal is to teach you to swim, the words no matter how well written is not likely to accomplish it until you go into the water and splash around on your own. Ultimately since reality is subjective, each individual soul must go through their own awakening process to get the answers. But Jesus says I still must share my experiences and story with my world. This is not to change others but to be of service to God which is really me. As I write these words my power increases. This power is FAITH. As you read these words, your power increases because these words have Divine energy in them. They come from the heart. They are my highest subjective truth. An expression of God's love through me. I AM light. I AM worthy. So are you.
After the connections with Jesus and the angels, things started getting even more strange. On October 30th, as I was meditating to a YouTube broadcast on my new 55" Samsung TV on the Quantumn Conversations channel with Tracey Ash who is a prolific intuitive and channel-er of ETs. That's right extraterrestrials! I have never had any experience with ETs except a couple of times in my dream state I was on a space ship. But we usually dismiss our dream experiences since they don't cross over to our 3D reality. But this time was different. The ETs came through my third eye as an inner vision which is now very open because of all the energy expansion and activation I went through. There were about 150 of them in a group all sorts of races and they were very happy to contact me. They said telepathically that they have been waiting for me to purify enough to receive their transmission. They are of a much higher vibration so our energy body and physical body has to be clear of any fear which is a lower vibration. They don't want to cause trauma or scare us. Plus it's a universal law that as all is energy like attracts like so they can't even be connected to lower vibrations. They are of the same vibration as the angels who also contact me telepathically. That's why most of us who have fear in our mind/body system can not get the help we need from ETs. They operate from a place of Oneness, that is how they can contact me. All is One. All is contact via the energy of God/ Universe/ Creator. Oneness is really just unconditional love. I was so excited to be in contact with them. They are here to help humanity in it's ascension to higher consciousness, which is to learn how to be co-creators with God. We are to evolve, grow up, and step into our power. We can become masters of our own reality and eventually we can heal ourselves and our world. They even demonstrated to me how to do it; it takes practice but it's absolutely amazing when you witness your thoughts turn into reality. Now I am very very careful with my thoughts because I know how powerful they are. I will post a different blog about how to co-create with God and bring forth miracles.
The ETs tell me that they are our family of light and that they are really part of me/us as we are One. Their energy was so playful, loving and strong. Different from the angelic energies but I can't explain in words. Energy has infinite different vibrations and has we awaken to our true self we can access any energy in the universe just by tuning in with our hearts and minds (more on this stuff later). Then they started messing with my new TV. All the sudden all the audio sounds from ALL other cable channels started coming through simultaneously! I never saw a TV do that only one channel is on video, how did they get all the audio to turn on from the other channels. Then when I started screaming to my husband "honey come here look what the ETs are doing to the TV!". Jeff came into the room and was also completely bewildered. After about 5 seconds everything went completely silent even though the TV channel was on, there was no sound. Then I screamed "holly cow they just shut off all the audio". Then instantly the audio came back on but this time it was set back to normal audio of just the one channel that was displayed. After that incident my TV never worked right. It would have to be constantly reset to get the video to display. It was like it got zapped electromagnetically.
My healing journey towards Oneness with God continues and new experiences and "Ah Hah" moments are happening all the time. My soul's wisdom is coming on line as my body becomes more energetically balanced physically, mentally and emotionally. I tune into my I AM presence and intuit that my physical body is clearing the cancer because the dense energies of fear, anger and sadness had been purged. My healing journey continues and I know and trust that the universe is expanding and exploring the SELF through my own personal experiences. All that I learn and feel is contributing to the expansion of the universe. I am somehow magically inseparable from this consciousness that is expressing itself as me and also as the entire universe. I am literally the universe. All I have to do is tune into anything I want and experience it from my own unique perspective. There is nothing that is withheld from me and what I am is LOVE and this energy of LOVE is everything.
The diagnosis was sobering at first but surprisingly I was not as fearful about it as I thought someone in my predicament "should" be. My sister in law went through it last year and it seemed awful. I'm an em-path so perhaps deep down I wanted to take on her suffering to develop compassion for others. The soul journey is one of exploration. The human ego mind is not conscious of the deeper desires of the soul to experience connection and compassion. What we experience in ourselves we heal in both ourselves and others. Cancer (and illnesses in general) is a manifestation of a deeper soul distortion, which is stored in the energy field around our bodies. I consulted four different oncologists, all of which assured me I needed surgery, radiation, and chemo. They all assured me that because the cancer was aggressive that the tumor would double in size in a matter of weeks and that I would likely die without treatment. I knew they were just doing their jobs, but ultimately, my fate was in my own hands. There are no victims. There are only opportunities to transcend. This is a really radical perspective, but it is my perspective as a sovereign spiritual being. I take responsibility for my life experiences and my creations. There is definitely something larger at work than what my personality self is conscious of. I am determined to become enlightenment to this greater part of me even if I have to experience dying of cancer. The reason why refusing conventional treatment lead to the "reward" of spiritual enlightenment in my life was because in my mind conventional treatment represents FEAR. And I wanted to choose LOVE instead. I want to trust myself, my true self that is inseparable from God. If I was God why would I choose to let my body suffer through conventional treatment. I wanted the real healing. Why is the cancer in my body? I want to get to the real cause of it. When LOVE is chosen over FEAR, the angelic realm takes notice. It's free will. Until humans are willing choose LOVE, we will not get the assistance from God since we have not exercised our faith. We are here to co-create with God and to do that, we must be brave enough to choose LOVE over fear. It's not because we get punished when we choose fear. It's all energy. Like attracts like. If you chose fear, then you create the experiences associated with the energy of fear and that is often a painful experience. Again, this is my story, my own subjective experience. I do not judge other people's choices or experiences. I honor all others and their choices. Period. We are all sovereign endowed with free will to choose and think for ourselves and allow others the same respect.
My lack of fear is also the result of my awakening in 2012. Since then I had longed to return to that state of enlightenment and actually maintain it. Well little did I know at the time of my diagnosis that I was going to get my prayer answered. I refused medical treatment beyond scans and blood tests. I was determined to trust God. I know we don't really die and that I am not my body. I knew inherently that as spiritual beings we had power to heal our bodies that the human mind is not fully aware of. This power comes from our God self; the part of us you can call the I AM presence or Holly Spirit. As we begin to awaken to our true nature which is spirit and not really the human mind, we begin to re-call this inherent knowledge and wisdom. I experience them as "downloads" to my mind which brings about feelings of an expansion in awareness accompanied by sessions of energy vibrating and moving throughout my body and energy field. It's pretty AWESOME to experience these downloads and expansions. However, to get to that state of enlightenment I underwent some very intense initiations that resulted in my physical, emotional, mental and identity bodies detoxing and purifying with every wave of energy.
This all happened over the course of 6-7 months since March and continues to this moment. It feels like an ever upward spiral that is fueled by my heart's desire to get closer to God; this I AM presence that is within me. I experience it as an energy of pure unconditional love that permeates my mind and body. My 2018 awakening was completely different than the 2012 one. This time is deeper, longer, and more intense and expansive. Best of all, as I had prayed for, my state of enlightenment appears to be stable and sustainable this time. I am more whole and complete in my mind/body. I started with a physical detox. I searched the internet and found www.ChrisBeatCancer.com. This website by Chris Wark gave me all the nutrition and supplement information to detox my physical body. I started organic juicing and eating whole foods and taking supplements. I did it for a few weeks and lost weight and started feeling better.
Then the emotional detox happened next. It took me by complete surprise since I was a pretty happy person to begin with I did not think I needed to emotionally detox. But as I found out, our energy fields carry subconsciously embedded dense emotional energy of fear, anger, sadness from past traumas. It goes very deep because we inherit in our DNA the ancestral karma. Like how illness and genetic flaws are passed on from generation to generation until it is healed. The emotional purification was the most horrific and strangest experience of my life. It happened in late April when I started taking CBD oil (it's a cannabis extract that is used to naturally treat cancer tumors). I normally just get a little drowsy when I take it but one day I must have taken too much. There are no accidents really, it was the universe setting me up for a major purge and healing.
What ensued was 6 hours of sheer hellish waves of raw chaos energy passing through my body and mind. It felt awful. I kept focusing on my breath and intuitively telling myself to surrender and let go. The ordeal was so intense I felt I was literally being torn into pieces energetically. Like all the atoms in my body were vibration and exploding. Streams of emotion in raw energy of anger, sadness, and fear poured out of my core and released up and out of my energy field. Wave after wave it felt most torturous and extremely uncomfortable. I cried out in pain wanting relief and only having my breath to turn to and my faith. I kept telling myself "All is well" and to surrender to it. When things got unbearable I would focus on breathing through it, like a woman in labor pain. Towards the end of this shamanic like journey I went through a tunnel and disintegrated into pure energy. I no longer sensed my body or my breath. I felt like I had died. Then slowly I exited the tunnel and saw in my mind's eye the word "purge" written in cursive lightening bolt font flash three times slowly in front of me. After the third flash I came back into my body and projectile vomited all over myself. Then all the sudden there was complete stillness. Just wonderful merciful stillness. A peace washed over me so lovingly. I felt light as feather. My husband who had been very concerned witnessing this ordeal asked me if he should call 911. I held his hand still feeling very high from the euphoria. I said, "Now I have compassion for all suffering. I can not outwardly fix the problems of the world but I now know how to bring about real peace." This inner peace that I was experiencing after the massive emotional energy purge was so incredible.
I had no idea that chaos energy was inside of me and that process of releasing/purging it was so liberating. The day after that experience, I started feeling waves of intense bliss. I would sing and dance in joyous celebration spontaneously. The main song I kept singing was "Heaven is a place on Earth" by Belinda Carlyle. I would dance and sing to this song and get my son and husband to join me, which really lifted their spirits too. I felt reborn again. I began to really heal. In September I went back to the oncologist 6 months after my diagnosis to get a CT Scan. I was a little nervous since I had dropped off the radar from the oncologists and did not get any treatment. I was worried maybe the cancer did spread like the doctors said. I did all sorts of prayer and visualization prior to the CT Scan. Feeling and visualizing the best outcome possible. When I went in to get the scan results I felt quite upbeat about it. My oncologists was a bit surprised when we read the report together. The aggressive tumor was completely gone! There was no spreading of the cancer. Even the 3-4 lymph nodes that were affected reduced to only 2, and the biggest lymph node shrunk 30%.
To this day, I can feel the lymph node is getting smaller and smaller. I can feel energy flow and healing the area in my armpit. I feel great physically, emotionally and mentally. I eagerly meditate for hours everyday since I now have such a strong connection to my I AM presence. It's pure bliss and light. Such intense love that there is nothing outwardly on earth the compares to it. I float around in sheer delight to be alive! I did not just snap my fingers and make my cancer go away. It was a complex process of letting go of the past. I believe my healing and ongoing energy experiences are a miracle. My miracle. Waves of gratitude swell in my heart that there is so much love overflowing in me. I want to transmit this healing and love to the whole world! This is how life can be for all of us in every moment. This is the life I have always dreamed of. And if getting breast cancer resulted in this new state of being, I think I have received a sweet deal indeed!
The energy and expansion experiences keep intensifying. I have lucid dreams, visions of merging with a golden being of light I call my I AM presence. My body vibrates and tremors of electricity flow up and down my spine. The heat along my spine gets so intense during downloads. When the Kundalini energy came in again to my body in October, it was so much stronger than 2012. This time the energy went all the way through my body and I laughed as it tickled me from the inside out. I lauged so hard for like an hour before I could ground the energy and relax. Since then I have been a wide open door for Divine energy and revelations to flow through me. Frequently, my hearts explodes with so much love it feels like the entire cosmos lives inside me! My third eye started to open more. During normal waking states I can clearly see that another world exists in my inner sight. I also started having inner visions of Jesus and myself as a soul and it is as if we are old friends. Jesus communicates to me telepathically. When I first connect with him I was so overwhelmed with emotions of HOME. There were celestial angelic beings there too all welcoming me. At first I fell at his feet. He quickly grabbed my arm and stood me up. He said that we are equals, and that God is the ultimate servant of all. So he anointed my feet with oil in loving service to me. I was so overcome with humility and adoration for Him. The love of God brought tears of joy pouring down my cheeks. We talk about my mission and how all my life was preparation for this awakening. I was the lost sheep. I was also the shepherd. I was to step into my own power as God shines through me. In my beingness (being the real me) I will help everyone in my world. We are each individualized aspects of God; we are the body of God/universe/creator. Our thoughts, feelings, emotions, create our experience of our world. We each experience our world subjectively. That is why judgement is pointless. We create our own reality. Everything on earth is made of light, which comes from the being of the Creator. The light vibrates in wave patters and spiral pulses of infintie frequencies and oscillations and when viewed by our human senses, the light takes form as a 3D reality. We are the imagination of ourselves. We are dreaming all this. There is no absolute right or wrong. There is no "right" way to experience or act. It's all up to the individual to choose. I asked why God makes it so hard to remember all this and leaves his creations (us) lost stumbling in the dark? I asked so many questions and got so many profound answers. The answers were not transmitted as words because these type of questions/answers can not really be processed my the human mind. So it was a intuitive knowing transmitted to my heart as an energy. I will try to translate into words on another post some of the big questions and answers, but it would not really be same. It would be like me trying to teach you how to swim by writing words. If the goal is to teach you to swim, the words no matter how well written is not likely to accomplish it until you go into the water and splash around on your own. Ultimately since reality is subjective, each individual soul must go through their own awakening process to get the answers. But Jesus says I still must share my experiences and story with my world. This is not to change others but to be of service to God which is really me. As I write these words my power increases. This power is FAITH. As you read these words, your power increases because these words have Divine energy in them. They come from the heart. They are my highest subjective truth. An expression of God's love through me. I AM light. I AM worthy. So are you.
After the connections with Jesus and the angels, things started getting even more strange. On October 30th, as I was meditating to a YouTube broadcast on my new 55" Samsung TV on the Quantumn Conversations channel with Tracey Ash who is a prolific intuitive and channel-er of ETs. That's right extraterrestrials! I have never had any experience with ETs except a couple of times in my dream state I was on a space ship. But we usually dismiss our dream experiences since they don't cross over to our 3D reality. But this time was different. The ETs came through my third eye as an inner vision which is now very open because of all the energy expansion and activation I went through. There were about 150 of them in a group all sorts of races and they were very happy to contact me. They said telepathically that they have been waiting for me to purify enough to receive their transmission. They are of a much higher vibration so our energy body and physical body has to be clear of any fear which is a lower vibration. They don't want to cause trauma or scare us. Plus it's a universal law that as all is energy like attracts like so they can't even be connected to lower vibrations. They are of the same vibration as the angels who also contact me telepathically. That's why most of us who have fear in our mind/body system can not get the help we need from ETs. They operate from a place of Oneness, that is how they can contact me. All is One. All is contact via the energy of God/ Universe/ Creator. Oneness is really just unconditional love. I was so excited to be in contact with them. They are here to help humanity in it's ascension to higher consciousness, which is to learn how to be co-creators with God. We are to evolve, grow up, and step into our power. We can become masters of our own reality and eventually we can heal ourselves and our world. They even demonstrated to me how to do it; it takes practice but it's absolutely amazing when you witness your thoughts turn into reality. Now I am very very careful with my thoughts because I know how powerful they are. I will post a different blog about how to co-create with God and bring forth miracles.
The ETs tell me that they are our family of light and that they are really part of me/us as we are One. Their energy was so playful, loving and strong. Different from the angelic energies but I can't explain in words. Energy has infinite different vibrations and has we awaken to our true self we can access any energy in the universe just by tuning in with our hearts and minds (more on this stuff later). Then they started messing with my new TV. All the sudden all the audio sounds from ALL other cable channels started coming through simultaneously! I never saw a TV do that only one channel is on video, how did they get all the audio to turn on from the other channels. Then when I started screaming to my husband "honey come here look what the ETs are doing to the TV!". Jeff came into the room and was also completely bewildered. After about 5 seconds everything went completely silent even though the TV channel was on, there was no sound. Then I screamed "holly cow they just shut off all the audio". Then instantly the audio came back on but this time it was set back to normal audio of just the one channel that was displayed. After that incident my TV never worked right. It would have to be constantly reset to get the video to display. It was like it got zapped electromagnetically.
My healing journey towards Oneness with God continues and new experiences and "Ah Hah" moments are happening all the time. My soul's wisdom is coming on line as my body becomes more energetically balanced physically, mentally and emotionally. I tune into my I AM presence and intuit that my physical body is clearing the cancer because the dense energies of fear, anger and sadness had been purged. My healing journey continues and I know and trust that the universe is expanding and exploring the SELF through my own personal experiences. All that I learn and feel is contributing to the expansion of the universe. I am somehow magically inseparable from this consciousness that is expressing itself as me and also as the entire universe. I am literally the universe. All I have to do is tune into anything I want and experience it from my own unique perspective. There is nothing that is withheld from me and what I am is LOVE and this energy of LOVE is everything.
Thursday, September 27, 2018
I started helping the homeless in 2013
At the start of 2013 I started making different decisions in my life. My awakening was still very fresh in my mind so I felt because I knew we are all ONE that I should begin a crusade to change the world to be more unconditionally loving. How better to start than to help the homeless.
http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/sdut-homeless-temecula-love-healing-2013apr03-story.html
I started a charity with my husband who by the way is the most supportive and kind person I know. Whatever direction I wanted to go in life, he supports me 100%. Without his support I would not be where I am now.
To create with the universe we only have to have pure intent. Pure does not imply any moral judgments. Pure is just coming from the heart without distortion. You can have inpure intent to rage at the world, like the terrorist do and it can still be powerful creative intent. Remember, no judgment. We are all power beings. If our intent is focused we can accomplish or move a lot of energy. That is why terrorist with their inpure intent (distortions of mind) are so powerful with their results which is to have their victims feel fear. They are creators just like I am a creator. This is probably a really offensive statement and I am triggering people when I say it but it is the truth from my perspective. I do not have any hate in my heart towards terrorists because I have a deeper knowing of how the universe works. The only thing I can offer anyone is my finger pointing towards a doorway that leads to inner peace, a peace beyond understanding. When intent is pure and not distorted we can create in flow and cause less suffering for self amd others.
Anyway back to the helping the homeless. I set out pure intent to do so. What happened next was in a matter of days, I had 15 young homeless people from the age of 15-21 actually living in my house! Holly cow the universe really gave me what I asked for. I took care of these kids for the next 18 months. I put together a charity to help raise money for get them into a nearby apartment because they could not stay at my house for long (the neighbors were starting to get nervous).
Unfortunately I could not keep the charity going with just my own efforts. I tried to get more help from the community but I lived in a very conservative white community and there was some resistance to what I was doing because it was too radical I think. For example (this is how crazy I was back then) I took one of my homeless kids (a 19 yr old black boy name Gentry who was a little schizophrenic) to a big church in Temecula that I went to a couple of times before. Gentry had been sleep and living under a freeway bridge so he smelled and looked like it. I went around talking to the people telling them my story of ONEness and that I felt that if we all took in just one homeless kid (I had 15 living with me so I has trying to get others to take some of them in) then the world will be a better more loving place. Needless to say, this activity got Gentry and I firmly escorted out of this church. Gentry was so angry of how they treated me. He really loved me. I had to calm him down and get him to forgive them for they know not what they do. Almost everyone around me was still "as sleep" in the world. They were still wearing their masks and thinking their masks were really them. But since I knew the truth, I knew the only reaction I can have is to forgive and walk away. To judge them for judging me would be to create more distortions in the ONE mind. Distortions are great if they serve me (give me joy), but if they create emotions of anger or resentment, then I do not give my energy to that because that is MY choice. It might not be the choice of others. Honor all choices.
Did the universe fail me? Not really. It was a big lesson I had to learn by experiencing the rejection of others. Not everyone can open their hearts. If it wasn't by GRACE my heart would still be closed too, so I only feel compassion towards others who just don't see things like I do. They might be living a really great fulfilling life, who am I to judge. I can only live my own life. Not every soul is here to experience helping homeless people. So it is all good.
I was able to help many of the young homeless people get into rehab, some united with their estranged families. Gentry was one of them. We went home with his father and learned to forgive and open his heart. I am so grateful to be part of that.
http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/sdut-homeless-temecula-love-healing-2013apr03-story.html
I started a charity with my husband who by the way is the most supportive and kind person I know. Whatever direction I wanted to go in life, he supports me 100%. Without his support I would not be where I am now.
To create with the universe we only have to have pure intent. Pure does not imply any moral judgments. Pure is just coming from the heart without distortion. You can have inpure intent to rage at the world, like the terrorist do and it can still be powerful creative intent. Remember, no judgment. We are all power beings. If our intent is focused we can accomplish or move a lot of energy. That is why terrorist with their inpure intent (distortions of mind) are so powerful with their results which is to have their victims feel fear. They are creators just like I am a creator. This is probably a really offensive statement and I am triggering people when I say it but it is the truth from my perspective. I do not have any hate in my heart towards terrorists because I have a deeper knowing of how the universe works. The only thing I can offer anyone is my finger pointing towards a doorway that leads to inner peace, a peace beyond understanding. When intent is pure and not distorted we can create in flow and cause less suffering for self amd others.
Anyway back to the helping the homeless. I set out pure intent to do so. What happened next was in a matter of days, I had 15 young homeless people from the age of 15-21 actually living in my house! Holly cow the universe really gave me what I asked for. I took care of these kids for the next 18 months. I put together a charity to help raise money for get them into a nearby apartment because they could not stay at my house for long (the neighbors were starting to get nervous).
Unfortunately I could not keep the charity going with just my own efforts. I tried to get more help from the community but I lived in a very conservative white community and there was some resistance to what I was doing because it was too radical I think. For example (this is how crazy I was back then) I took one of my homeless kids (a 19 yr old black boy name Gentry who was a little schizophrenic) to a big church in Temecula that I went to a couple of times before. Gentry had been sleep and living under a freeway bridge so he smelled and looked like it. I went around talking to the people telling them my story of ONEness and that I felt that if we all took in just one homeless kid (I had 15 living with me so I has trying to get others to take some of them in) then the world will be a better more loving place. Needless to say, this activity got Gentry and I firmly escorted out of this church. Gentry was so angry of how they treated me. He really loved me. I had to calm him down and get him to forgive them for they know not what they do. Almost everyone around me was still "as sleep" in the world. They were still wearing their masks and thinking their masks were really them. But since I knew the truth, I knew the only reaction I can have is to forgive and walk away. To judge them for judging me would be to create more distortions in the ONE mind. Distortions are great if they serve me (give me joy), but if they create emotions of anger or resentment, then I do not give my energy to that because that is MY choice. It might not be the choice of others. Honor all choices.
Did the universe fail me? Not really. It was a big lesson I had to learn by experiencing the rejection of others. Not everyone can open their hearts. If it wasn't by GRACE my heart would still be closed too, so I only feel compassion towards others who just don't see things like I do. They might be living a really great fulfilling life, who am I to judge. I can only live my own life. Not every soul is here to experience helping homeless people. So it is all good.
I was able to help many of the young homeless people get into rehab, some united with their estranged families. Gentry was one of them. We went home with his father and learned to forgive and open his heart. I am so grateful to be part of that.
It all started with a kundalini awakening in 2012
In December 2012 as I was driving down the freeway coming home to Temecula, CA from a trip to Las Vegas, I felt "it" for the first time. I didn't know what it was. It felt like it came from above into my heart, or maybe it was my heart opening from inside me. Before that moment I was like a lot of people, just going through life being "normal". I was a 44 year old suburban housewife and was not spiritual or religious in anyway. I never meditated seriously, only did yoga for exercise. When I prayed it was to a God out there and it was always to ask for stuff, it was never to know myself. So why I had this unusual experience when I never asked for it is a mystery to me. All I can say is it was by GRACE alone that I had this experience because it truly changed my life. I am a totally different person now than I was then.
This experience was unlike anything I had ever felt. It was an energy and the only word I could use to describe it was LOVE. But not any kind of human emotion like how I felt when I held my new born baby boy or when I first fell in love with my husband. Those were incredible awesome moments. But this LOVE was far far beyond that. It literal melted me to the core. I had to pull over on the freeway shoulder to take it all in because I started sobbing as it moved into my body. It was like the heavens opened up and embraced me. It was beyond words.
Over the next 2 weeks this heart opening experience kept snowballing. When I got home from my Vegas trip, I had to tell my husband what was going on with me. He wasn't sure how to react, but he obviously saw I was acting very very strange. Besides the constant crying (tears of release and joy) the love energy was not just opening my heart but also my mind. I was "downloading" some very very wild ideas. Ideas that felt so true but so far removed from the normal thoughts and beliefs I had grown up with all my life. This ideas were truths that were so mind blowing. I did eventually put it all into a book/memoir but for the sake of this blog, I will just condense the story. The main download that really threw me for a loop was....we are all ONE. I was not what I thought I was, a woman, wife, mother, democrat, what I call the personality self. That old life felt like a false mask. Behind all that I was awakening to the real truth that there is only ONE of us. I kept telling my husband, there's only ONE of us here, we are all ONE. The energy wherever I went was so powerful. I extended unconditional towards everyone because they were all me and I was them, but there was really no me or them, it was just all ONE. My two cats where running all over the house looking up at the sky like they were seeing something maybe energy patterns. In one intense moment of energy all the lights went out in the whole block. It was like my reality was short circuiting. My human brain couldn't handle all the energy and downloads. It was mind blowing. I was on such a spiritual high.
During the course of these 2 weeks I was acting so crazy that I ended up in a mental institution on a voluntary 3 day hold to see if I was really crazy. During my stay there I had such a healing effect on all the patients (I put all this in my book) and uplifted everyone's hearts. I felt no boundaries and would reach out to the most mentally ill person and heal them just by connecting to their hearts. The staff psychiatrist there was so impressed with how I interacted with everyone, he called me "special". My diagnosis was temporary mania and they gave me some pills to take which I did. Even though I felt I was not mentally ill, I also felt pills don't affect me when I was in such a bliss state of mind. After 3 days I was released with recommendation that I seek following psychiatric care and take whatever pills the prescribed. I did not do that. I just went home and the energy started fading away after the 2 weeks.
My heart and mind remained opened even though my heighten awareness and bliss faded over the next few days and my life became more about integrating what I had downloaded and making new choices. I did become a little more psychic too and more sensitive to energy. I also knew I was a spiritual being in a human body and my fears and insecurities (at least one layer of them) were gone. I did not know that there are many many layers of fears and insecurities in the human body/mind and the peeling away of these layers can be a life long process. I thought at the time I was "cured" of the human condition. But now looking back, I see that it was only the beginning of my journey. This journey goes much much deeper and it is a journey into the heart. This journey is infinite and endless but only gets better and better if I surrender to it.
What I knew for sure was there is no real DEATH. We are eternal. We are not our bodies. There is no punishment from God. There is only love. Suffering is a human condition of mind. Distortions of mind. Even the experience of physical expression is a distortion of mind, not our mind but the ONE mind. Ultimately we are the ONE, but we are also uniquely sovereign. It is a paradox. We are both ONE and not ONE. The experience of being separate from God or what I call the ONE is only that, an experience. The ONE seeks to experience separateness. Because in experience separateness it can experience the totality of what it is. Thus it created this paradox, this separation within itself to experience itself in totality. This is called CREATION. The ONE seeks to create endlessly because it is infinite, so it seeks to create in order to give love to itself infinitely. This is very hard for the human mind to understand and it is not important to understand. It is only important to surrender and enjoy the experience. So to truly enjoy the experience of creation, we have to overcome the distortions of mind that create suffering. The suffering is part of creation so therefore it is part of love. Creation is no boundaries or limitations. So all things are possible. That is why suffering is possible. That is why judgment is a pointless and limiting practice that only creates distortions. But remember, distortions are all part of creation. Love all, embrace all. So the journey to the heart is a journey of self discovery.
This experience was unlike anything I had ever felt. It was an energy and the only word I could use to describe it was LOVE. But not any kind of human emotion like how I felt when I held my new born baby boy or when I first fell in love with my husband. Those were incredible awesome moments. But this LOVE was far far beyond that. It literal melted me to the core. I had to pull over on the freeway shoulder to take it all in because I started sobbing as it moved into my body. It was like the heavens opened up and embraced me. It was beyond words.
Over the next 2 weeks this heart opening experience kept snowballing. When I got home from my Vegas trip, I had to tell my husband what was going on with me. He wasn't sure how to react, but he obviously saw I was acting very very strange. Besides the constant crying (tears of release and joy) the love energy was not just opening my heart but also my mind. I was "downloading" some very very wild ideas. Ideas that felt so true but so far removed from the normal thoughts and beliefs I had grown up with all my life. This ideas were truths that were so mind blowing. I did eventually put it all into a book/memoir but for the sake of this blog, I will just condense the story. The main download that really threw me for a loop was....we are all ONE. I was not what I thought I was, a woman, wife, mother, democrat, what I call the personality self. That old life felt like a false mask. Behind all that I was awakening to the real truth that there is only ONE of us. I kept telling my husband, there's only ONE of us here, we are all ONE. The energy wherever I went was so powerful. I extended unconditional towards everyone because they were all me and I was them, but there was really no me or them, it was just all ONE. My two cats where running all over the house looking up at the sky like they were seeing something maybe energy patterns. In one intense moment of energy all the lights went out in the whole block. It was like my reality was short circuiting. My human brain couldn't handle all the energy and downloads. It was mind blowing. I was on such a spiritual high.
During the course of these 2 weeks I was acting so crazy that I ended up in a mental institution on a voluntary 3 day hold to see if I was really crazy. During my stay there I had such a healing effect on all the patients (I put all this in my book) and uplifted everyone's hearts. I felt no boundaries and would reach out to the most mentally ill person and heal them just by connecting to their hearts. The staff psychiatrist there was so impressed with how I interacted with everyone, he called me "special". My diagnosis was temporary mania and they gave me some pills to take which I did. Even though I felt I was not mentally ill, I also felt pills don't affect me when I was in such a bliss state of mind. After 3 days I was released with recommendation that I seek following psychiatric care and take whatever pills the prescribed. I did not do that. I just went home and the energy started fading away after the 2 weeks.
My heart and mind remained opened even though my heighten awareness and bliss faded over the next few days and my life became more about integrating what I had downloaded and making new choices. I did become a little more psychic too and more sensitive to energy. I also knew I was a spiritual being in a human body and my fears and insecurities (at least one layer of them) were gone. I did not know that there are many many layers of fears and insecurities in the human body/mind and the peeling away of these layers can be a life long process. I thought at the time I was "cured" of the human condition. But now looking back, I see that it was only the beginning of my journey. This journey goes much much deeper and it is a journey into the heart. This journey is infinite and endless but only gets better and better if I surrender to it.
What I knew for sure was there is no real DEATH. We are eternal. We are not our bodies. There is no punishment from God. There is only love. Suffering is a human condition of mind. Distortions of mind. Even the experience of physical expression is a distortion of mind, not our mind but the ONE mind. Ultimately we are the ONE, but we are also uniquely sovereign. It is a paradox. We are both ONE and not ONE. The experience of being separate from God or what I call the ONE is only that, an experience. The ONE seeks to experience separateness. Because in experience separateness it can experience the totality of what it is. Thus it created this paradox, this separation within itself to experience itself in totality. This is called CREATION. The ONE seeks to create endlessly because it is infinite, so it seeks to create in order to give love to itself infinitely. This is very hard for the human mind to understand and it is not important to understand. It is only important to surrender and enjoy the experience. So to truly enjoy the experience of creation, we have to overcome the distortions of mind that create suffering. The suffering is part of creation so therefore it is part of love. Creation is no boundaries or limitations. So all things are possible. That is why suffering is possible. That is why judgment is a pointless and limiting practice that only creates distortions. But remember, distortions are all part of creation. Love all, embrace all. So the journey to the heart is a journey of self discovery.
My Story of Awakening to the NOW...the condensed version
Hi my name is Chi Macnow. I currently live in Everett, WA near the Seattle area. I'm starting this blog as a big hug to the universe, my universe that lives in my heart. I recently found my true self and have started the integration process of embodying my soul, uniting body/mind/spirit into an existence full of wonder, profound wisdom, and pure unconditional love.
This blog is JUST MY STORY, no intention to trigger or make anyone "out there" feel less than. We are all perfect and divine but we must travel our own journey. This has been a big lesson for me, to not feel responsible for the world out there and to truly release any need to change it or make it "better". As my soul is flowering in my heart I am now starting to see the perfection in all things and I understand that "love is never having to say you're sorry".
This blog is JUST MY STORY, no intention to trigger or make anyone "out there" feel less than. We are all perfect and divine but we must travel our own journey. This has been a big lesson for me, to not feel responsible for the world out there and to truly release any need to change it or make it "better". As my soul is flowering in my heart I am now starting to see the perfection in all things and I understand that "love is never having to say you're sorry".
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