At the start of 2013 I started making different decisions in my life. My awakening was still very fresh in my mind so I felt because I knew we are all ONE that I should begin a crusade to change the world to be more unconditionally loving. How better to start than to help the homeless.
http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/sdut-homeless-temecula-love-healing-2013apr03-story.html
I started a charity with my husband who by the way is the most supportive and kind person I know. Whatever direction I wanted to go in life, he supports me 100%. Without his support I would not be where I am now.
To create with the universe we only have to have pure intent. Pure does not imply any moral judgments. Pure is just coming from the heart without distortion. You can have inpure intent to rage at the world, like the terrorist do and it can still be powerful creative intent. Remember, no judgment. We are all power beings. If our intent is focused we can accomplish or move a lot of energy. That is why terrorist with their inpure intent (distortions of mind) are so powerful with their results which is to have their victims feel fear. They are creators just like I am a creator. This is probably a really offensive statement and I am triggering people when I say it but it is the truth from my perspective. I do not have any hate in my heart towards terrorists because I have a deeper knowing of how the universe works. The only thing I can offer anyone is my finger pointing towards a doorway that leads to inner peace, a peace beyond understanding. When intent is pure and not distorted we can create in flow and cause less suffering for self amd others.
Anyway back to the helping the homeless. I set out pure intent to do so. What happened next was in a matter of days, I had 15 young homeless people from the age of 15-21 actually living in my house! Holly cow the universe really gave me what I asked for. I took care of these kids for the next 18 months. I put together a charity to help raise money for get them into a nearby apartment because they could not stay at my house for long (the neighbors were starting to get nervous).
Unfortunately I could not keep the charity going with just my own efforts. I tried to get more help from the community but I lived in a very conservative white community and there was some resistance to what I was doing because it was too radical I think. For example (this is how crazy I was back then) I took one of my homeless kids (a 19 yr old black boy name Gentry who was a little schizophrenic) to a big church in Temecula that I went to a couple of times before. Gentry had been sleep and living under a freeway bridge so he smelled and looked like it. I went around talking to the people telling them my story of ONEness and that I felt that if we all took in just one homeless kid (I had 15 living with me so I has trying to get others to take some of them in) then the world will be a better more loving place. Needless to say, this activity got Gentry and I firmly escorted out of this church. Gentry was so angry of how they treated me. He really loved me. I had to calm him down and get him to forgive them for they know not what they do. Almost everyone around me was still "as sleep" in the world. They were still wearing their masks and thinking their masks were really them. But since I knew the truth, I knew the only reaction I can have is to forgive and walk away. To judge them for judging me would be to create more distortions in the ONE mind. Distortions are great if they serve me (give me joy), but if they create emotions of anger or resentment, then I do not give my energy to that because that is MY choice. It might not be the choice of others. Honor all choices.
Did the universe fail me? Not really. It was a big lesson I had to learn by experiencing the rejection of others. Not everyone can open their hearts. If it wasn't by GRACE my heart would still be closed too, so I only feel compassion towards others who just don't see things like I do. They might be living a really great fulfilling life, who am I to judge. I can only live my own life. Not every soul is here to experience helping homeless people. So it is all good.
I was able to help many of the young homeless people get into rehab, some united with their estranged families. Gentry was one of them. We went home with his father and learned to forgive and open his heart. I am so grateful to be part of that.
Thursday, September 27, 2018
It all started with a kundalini awakening in 2012
In December 2012 as I was driving down the freeway coming home to Temecula, CA from a trip to Las Vegas, I felt "it" for the first time. I didn't know what it was. It felt like it came from above into my heart, or maybe it was my heart opening from inside me. Before that moment I was like a lot of people, just going through life being "normal". I was a 44 year old suburban housewife and was not spiritual or religious in anyway. I never meditated seriously, only did yoga for exercise. When I prayed it was to a God out there and it was always to ask for stuff, it was never to know myself. So why I had this unusual experience when I never asked for it is a mystery to me. All I can say is it was by GRACE alone that I had this experience because it truly changed my life. I am a totally different person now than I was then.
This experience was unlike anything I had ever felt. It was an energy and the only word I could use to describe it was LOVE. But not any kind of human emotion like how I felt when I held my new born baby boy or when I first fell in love with my husband. Those were incredible awesome moments. But this LOVE was far far beyond that. It literal melted me to the core. I had to pull over on the freeway shoulder to take it all in because I started sobbing as it moved into my body. It was like the heavens opened up and embraced me. It was beyond words.
Over the next 2 weeks this heart opening experience kept snowballing. When I got home from my Vegas trip, I had to tell my husband what was going on with me. He wasn't sure how to react, but he obviously saw I was acting very very strange. Besides the constant crying (tears of release and joy) the love energy was not just opening my heart but also my mind. I was "downloading" some very very wild ideas. Ideas that felt so true but so far removed from the normal thoughts and beliefs I had grown up with all my life. This ideas were truths that were so mind blowing. I did eventually put it all into a book/memoir but for the sake of this blog, I will just condense the story. The main download that really threw me for a loop was....we are all ONE. I was not what I thought I was, a woman, wife, mother, democrat, what I call the personality self. That old life felt like a false mask. Behind all that I was awakening to the real truth that there is only ONE of us. I kept telling my husband, there's only ONE of us here, we are all ONE. The energy wherever I went was so powerful. I extended unconditional towards everyone because they were all me and I was them, but there was really no me or them, it was just all ONE. My two cats where running all over the house looking up at the sky like they were seeing something maybe energy patterns. In one intense moment of energy all the lights went out in the whole block. It was like my reality was short circuiting. My human brain couldn't handle all the energy and downloads. It was mind blowing. I was on such a spiritual high.
During the course of these 2 weeks I was acting so crazy that I ended up in a mental institution on a voluntary 3 day hold to see if I was really crazy. During my stay there I had such a healing effect on all the patients (I put all this in my book) and uplifted everyone's hearts. I felt no boundaries and would reach out to the most mentally ill person and heal them just by connecting to their hearts. The staff psychiatrist there was so impressed with how I interacted with everyone, he called me "special". My diagnosis was temporary mania and they gave me some pills to take which I did. Even though I felt I was not mentally ill, I also felt pills don't affect me when I was in such a bliss state of mind. After 3 days I was released with recommendation that I seek following psychiatric care and take whatever pills the prescribed. I did not do that. I just went home and the energy started fading away after the 2 weeks.
My heart and mind remained opened even though my heighten awareness and bliss faded over the next few days and my life became more about integrating what I had downloaded and making new choices. I did become a little more psychic too and more sensitive to energy. I also knew I was a spiritual being in a human body and my fears and insecurities (at least one layer of them) were gone. I did not know that there are many many layers of fears and insecurities in the human body/mind and the peeling away of these layers can be a life long process. I thought at the time I was "cured" of the human condition. But now looking back, I see that it was only the beginning of my journey. This journey goes much much deeper and it is a journey into the heart. This journey is infinite and endless but only gets better and better if I surrender to it.
What I knew for sure was there is no real DEATH. We are eternal. We are not our bodies. There is no punishment from God. There is only love. Suffering is a human condition of mind. Distortions of mind. Even the experience of physical expression is a distortion of mind, not our mind but the ONE mind. Ultimately we are the ONE, but we are also uniquely sovereign. It is a paradox. We are both ONE and not ONE. The experience of being separate from God or what I call the ONE is only that, an experience. The ONE seeks to experience separateness. Because in experience separateness it can experience the totality of what it is. Thus it created this paradox, this separation within itself to experience itself in totality. This is called CREATION. The ONE seeks to create endlessly because it is infinite, so it seeks to create in order to give love to itself infinitely. This is very hard for the human mind to understand and it is not important to understand. It is only important to surrender and enjoy the experience. So to truly enjoy the experience of creation, we have to overcome the distortions of mind that create suffering. The suffering is part of creation so therefore it is part of love. Creation is no boundaries or limitations. So all things are possible. That is why suffering is possible. That is why judgment is a pointless and limiting practice that only creates distortions. But remember, distortions are all part of creation. Love all, embrace all. So the journey to the heart is a journey of self discovery.
This experience was unlike anything I had ever felt. It was an energy and the only word I could use to describe it was LOVE. But not any kind of human emotion like how I felt when I held my new born baby boy or when I first fell in love with my husband. Those were incredible awesome moments. But this LOVE was far far beyond that. It literal melted me to the core. I had to pull over on the freeway shoulder to take it all in because I started sobbing as it moved into my body. It was like the heavens opened up and embraced me. It was beyond words.
Over the next 2 weeks this heart opening experience kept snowballing. When I got home from my Vegas trip, I had to tell my husband what was going on with me. He wasn't sure how to react, but he obviously saw I was acting very very strange. Besides the constant crying (tears of release and joy) the love energy was not just opening my heart but also my mind. I was "downloading" some very very wild ideas. Ideas that felt so true but so far removed from the normal thoughts and beliefs I had grown up with all my life. This ideas were truths that were so mind blowing. I did eventually put it all into a book/memoir but for the sake of this blog, I will just condense the story. The main download that really threw me for a loop was....we are all ONE. I was not what I thought I was, a woman, wife, mother, democrat, what I call the personality self. That old life felt like a false mask. Behind all that I was awakening to the real truth that there is only ONE of us. I kept telling my husband, there's only ONE of us here, we are all ONE. The energy wherever I went was so powerful. I extended unconditional towards everyone because they were all me and I was them, but there was really no me or them, it was just all ONE. My two cats where running all over the house looking up at the sky like they were seeing something maybe energy patterns. In one intense moment of energy all the lights went out in the whole block. It was like my reality was short circuiting. My human brain couldn't handle all the energy and downloads. It was mind blowing. I was on such a spiritual high.
During the course of these 2 weeks I was acting so crazy that I ended up in a mental institution on a voluntary 3 day hold to see if I was really crazy. During my stay there I had such a healing effect on all the patients (I put all this in my book) and uplifted everyone's hearts. I felt no boundaries and would reach out to the most mentally ill person and heal them just by connecting to their hearts. The staff psychiatrist there was so impressed with how I interacted with everyone, he called me "special". My diagnosis was temporary mania and they gave me some pills to take which I did. Even though I felt I was not mentally ill, I also felt pills don't affect me when I was in such a bliss state of mind. After 3 days I was released with recommendation that I seek following psychiatric care and take whatever pills the prescribed. I did not do that. I just went home and the energy started fading away after the 2 weeks.
My heart and mind remained opened even though my heighten awareness and bliss faded over the next few days and my life became more about integrating what I had downloaded and making new choices. I did become a little more psychic too and more sensitive to energy. I also knew I was a spiritual being in a human body and my fears and insecurities (at least one layer of them) were gone. I did not know that there are many many layers of fears and insecurities in the human body/mind and the peeling away of these layers can be a life long process. I thought at the time I was "cured" of the human condition. But now looking back, I see that it was only the beginning of my journey. This journey goes much much deeper and it is a journey into the heart. This journey is infinite and endless but only gets better and better if I surrender to it.
What I knew for sure was there is no real DEATH. We are eternal. We are not our bodies. There is no punishment from God. There is only love. Suffering is a human condition of mind. Distortions of mind. Even the experience of physical expression is a distortion of mind, not our mind but the ONE mind. Ultimately we are the ONE, but we are also uniquely sovereign. It is a paradox. We are both ONE and not ONE. The experience of being separate from God or what I call the ONE is only that, an experience. The ONE seeks to experience separateness. Because in experience separateness it can experience the totality of what it is. Thus it created this paradox, this separation within itself to experience itself in totality. This is called CREATION. The ONE seeks to create endlessly because it is infinite, so it seeks to create in order to give love to itself infinitely. This is very hard for the human mind to understand and it is not important to understand. It is only important to surrender and enjoy the experience. So to truly enjoy the experience of creation, we have to overcome the distortions of mind that create suffering. The suffering is part of creation so therefore it is part of love. Creation is no boundaries or limitations. So all things are possible. That is why suffering is possible. That is why judgment is a pointless and limiting practice that only creates distortions. But remember, distortions are all part of creation. Love all, embrace all. So the journey to the heart is a journey of self discovery.
My Story of Awakening to the NOW...the condensed version
Hi my name is Chi Macnow. I currently live in Everett, WA near the Seattle area. I'm starting this blog as a big hug to the universe, my universe that lives in my heart. I recently found my true self and have started the integration process of embodying my soul, uniting body/mind/spirit into an existence full of wonder, profound wisdom, and pure unconditional love.
This blog is JUST MY STORY, no intention to trigger or make anyone "out there" feel less than. We are all perfect and divine but we must travel our own journey. This has been a big lesson for me, to not feel responsible for the world out there and to truly release any need to change it or make it "better". As my soul is flowering in my heart I am now starting to see the perfection in all things and I understand that "love is never having to say you're sorry".
This blog is JUST MY STORY, no intention to trigger or make anyone "out there" feel less than. We are all perfect and divine but we must travel our own journey. This has been a big lesson for me, to not feel responsible for the world out there and to truly release any need to change it or make it "better". As my soul is flowering in my heart I am now starting to see the perfection in all things and I understand that "love is never having to say you're sorry".
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