It all started with a kundalini awakening in 2012

In December 2012 as I was driving down the freeway coming home to Temecula, CA from a trip to Las Vegas, I felt "it" for the first time.  I didn't know what it was.  It felt like it came from above into my heart, or maybe it was my heart opening from inside me.  Before that moment I was like a lot of people, just going through life being "normal".  I was a 44 year old suburban housewife and was not spiritual or religious in anyway.  I never meditated seriously, only did yoga for exercise.  When I prayed it was to a God out there and it was always to ask for stuff, it was never to know myself.  So why I had this unusual experience when I never asked for it is a mystery to me.  All I can say is it was by GRACE alone that I had this experience because it truly changed my life.  I am a totally different person now than I was then.

This experience was unlike anything I had ever felt.  It was an energy and the only word I could use to describe it was LOVE.  But not any kind of human emotion like how I felt when I held my new born baby boy or when I first fell in love with my husband.  Those were incredible awesome moments.  But this LOVE was far far beyond that.  It literal melted me to the core.  I had to pull over on the freeway shoulder to take it all in because I started sobbing as it moved into my body.  It was like the heavens opened up and embraced me.  It was beyond words.

Over the next 2 weeks this heart opening experience kept snowballing.  When I got home from my Vegas trip, I had to tell my husband what was going on with me.  He wasn't sure how to react, but he obviously saw I was acting very very strange.  Besides the constant crying (tears of release and joy) the love energy was not just opening my heart but also my mind.  I was "downloading" some very very wild ideas.  Ideas that felt so true but so far removed from the normal thoughts and beliefs I had grown up with all my life.  This ideas were truths that were so mind blowing. I did eventually put it all into a book/memoir but for the sake of this blog, I will just condense the story.  The main download that really threw me for a loop was....we are all ONE.  I was not what I thought I was, a woman, wife, mother, democrat, what I call the personality self.  That old life felt like a false mask.  Behind all that I was awakening to the real truth that there is only ONE of us.  I kept telling my husband, there's only ONE of us here, we are all ONE.  The energy wherever I went was so powerful.  I extended unconditional towards everyone because they were all me and I was them, but there was really no me or them, it was just all ONE.  My two cats where running all over the house looking up at the sky like they were seeing something maybe energy patterns.  In one intense moment of energy all the lights went out in the whole block.  It was like my reality was short circuiting.  My human brain couldn't handle all the energy and downloads.  It was mind blowing.  I was on such a spiritual high.

During the course of these 2 weeks I was acting so crazy that I ended up in a mental institution on a voluntary 3 day hold to see if I was really crazy.  During my stay there I had such a healing effect on all the patients (I put all this in my book) and uplifted everyone's hearts.  I felt no boundaries and would reach out to the most mentally ill person and heal them just by connecting to their hearts. The staff psychiatrist there was so impressed with how I interacted with everyone, he called me "special".  My diagnosis was temporary mania and they gave me some pills to take which I did.  Even though I felt I was not mentally ill, I also felt pills don't affect me when I was in such a bliss state of mind.  After 3 days I was released with recommendation that I seek following psychiatric care and take whatever pills the prescribed.  I did not do that.  I just went home and the energy started fading away after the 2 weeks.

My heart and mind remained opened even though my heighten awareness and bliss faded over the next few days and my life became more about integrating what I had downloaded and making new choices.  I did become a little more psychic too and more sensitive to energy. I also knew I was a spiritual being in a human body and my fears and insecurities (at least one layer of them) were gone.  I did not know that there are many many layers of fears and insecurities in the human body/mind and the peeling away of these layers can be a life long process.  I thought at the time I was "cured" of the human condition.  But now looking back, I see that it was only the beginning of my journey.  This journey goes much much deeper and it is a journey into the heart.  This journey is infinite and endless but only gets better and better if I surrender to it.

What I knew for sure was there is no real DEATH.  We are eternal.  We are not our bodies.  There is no punishment from God.  There is only love.  Suffering is a human condition of mind.  Distortions of mind.  Even the experience of physical expression is a distortion of mind, not our mind but the ONE mind.  Ultimately we are the ONE, but we are also uniquely sovereign.  It is a paradox.  We are both ONE and not ONE.  The experience of being separate from God or what I call the ONE is only that, an experience.  The ONE seeks to experience separateness.  Because in experience separateness it can experience the totality of what it is.  Thus it created this paradox, this separation within itself to experience itself in totality.  This is called CREATION.  The ONE seeks to create endlessly because it is infinite, so it seeks to create in order to give love to itself infinitely.  This is very hard for the human mind to understand and it is not important to understand.  It is only important to surrender and enjoy the experience.  So to truly enjoy the experience of creation, we have to overcome the distortions of mind that create suffering.  The suffering is part of creation so therefore it is part of love. Creation is no boundaries or limitations.  So all things are possible.  That is why suffering is possible.  That is why judgment is a pointless and limiting practice that only creates distortions.  But remember, distortions are all part of creation.  Love all, embrace all.  So the journey to the heart is a journey of self discovery.