Friday, May 24, 2019

My Little Brother, My Hero

As I write these words tears flow.  My youngest brother Khanh who is 47 (the last born of 6 siblings in our large family) is in the hospital on life support from a severe heart  brain stroke.  Doctors say he may die in a matter of days.  An ongoing vigil of loving friends and family surround him with hopeful prayers.  Why would the youngest of us be the first to pass away, leaving behind his 7 year old daughter and loving wife, is a question that the human mind can never get a satisfactory answer.  So the best way I can answer this question is with no answer and just a story....


During my 2018 awakening I briefly mentioned having a vivid dream/vision in which I merged with a golden being of light that I call my I AM presence.  There is more to this dream that I will mention now.  Before this dream I had been going through massive energy purges and periods of heart openings and euphoria that eventually led to my breast cancer tumor disappearing.  The night of the dream occurred in early November. I was in a state of spiritual ecstasy and sent out a prayer that I wanted to go higher and further.  In the dream a huge golden being of light appeared before me.  It placed in my right hand a glowing ball of pulsating light and transmitted to me that this represented my "world" and everything that I was attached to (friends, family, material possessions).  The being instructed me to look closely at the pulsating ball in my hand.  As I looked at it the ball slowly disappeared.  The being telepathically said "You see, it's all illusion. To go further you must let it go, say goodbye, and merge with me."  I felt a moment of conflict.  My attachments, even though illusions, were very dear to my heart.  I shed tears of sorrow as I said good bye to the dearest things of my world -- my husband Jeff and son Evan.  I knew they would be OK without me even though it hurt me to not be with them.  But I knew the being of light was where I belonged if I really wanted to go further on my journey.

At that moment of decision I peered into the being of light and saw the face of my brother Khanh.  I was surprised that he was already in the being of light.  I pondered what that meant and received a heart knowing that Khanh was really part of the over-soul that I belonged to and that he was already there because he (though youngest among the siblings) had already advanced on his journey where he accomplished this sacred merge, this enlightenment.  Seeing his face in the light gave me courage to finally let go and merge into it even though it felt like I was truly dying.  An indescribable feeling of bliss and peace overcame me as I became One with the light, One with Khanh.

Then I woke up from the dream and realized that I had not died.  A feeling a deep gratitude came over me because somehow I had accomplished a state of "non-attachment" to the dearest things in my world, yet I was still in my body.  What this meant to me was FREEDOM from suffering.  I knew going forward that no matter what happened in my life I would not suffer.  That I was really spirit.  I was a physical manifesting of this being of light which is ALL and eternal.

A couple of weeks later I met Khanh and his wife Lhing at Thanksgiving dinner.  I was so excited to tell them about my vivid dream and what I might mean for Khanh.  I told them about the golden being of light and that Khanh's face was already in it and it gave me courage to merge with it and let go "from my worldly attachments".  They seem to have felt moved by the vision but they did not know from the human mind what it really meant.  I implied that it meant that Khanh is much further along on the journey to enlightenment than he might think, and that he and I are somehow more connected on our journeys.  Then other people came into the room and everyone "moved on" from this discussion and things go back to normal conversion and jokes about me being "crazy".  I know they did not meant to brush me off.  It is very difficult for humans to really talk about spiritual stuff because it means dealing with "death" or releasing attachments and the human ego does not want to address such topics unless it is forced to do so through suffering and crisis.  So I gave up trying to get them to listen to me.

Fast forward to his past week, when Khanh very suddenly had a massive stroke and we are all visiting him at the hospital.  It became clear to me that Khanh, who has always been everyone's favorite sibling, really was a very evolve spiritual being and not just my little brother who likes to joke about me being crazy.  He, unlike me, never needed to have a spontaneous spiritual awakening like I did in 2012.  He was always since birth a very kind compassionate person.  He never once followed in his older siblings footsteps and created drama in his relationships.  We were a dysfunctional family and there were many arguments, finger pointing, and disconnection among us.  Khanh never took sides and always chose the higher road of forgiveness.  He even seemed to circumvent the need for forgiveness by never really getting himself into dramas where there was even a need to forgive.  It was clear by the large number of long time friendships he was cultivated in his life.  He NEVER took himself seriously.  I also didn't take his teasing me as serious in anyway because he is full of light and fun.  He always sought to balance worldly responsibilities without letting work get in the way of family and recreational activities.  Instead of choosing jobs that would increase his salary or provide promotions, he always went for the jobs that allowed him to spend more time with family and friends. During the past 47 years, he lived it to the fullest and had absolutely nothing to regret.  The number of really good friends who flew in from out of state to be by his hospital bed exemplified his inherent positive and loving heart and the kind of life he has lived.  They all seem to know each other too, which indicates that he was very inclusive and often encouraged connections in his network.  Everyone loves him because he loves everyone unconditionally.  They all described him as someone who was always light and joking; dirty jokes were his expertise.  Someone you can always rely on and who was a generous giver and a gracious receiver.  He has impeccable integrity also.  He is my hero and someone I strive to emulate.

Now the dream about the golden being of light is starting to make more sense.  I told my sister about this dream when we were in his hospital room.  She took it to mean that merging with the being of light means Khanh was to die first and the fact that the being of light asked me to let go of my attachments and merge with it meant that I would die next, so she asked "Does this mean you are next to die?  How long do  you think you have? One year? Two years?".  I smiled and thought how funny the human mind can be so linear in conclusions.  Yes, of course if Khanh dies, then I would die AFTER him, since don't we all die?  Life is not about how long  you live, it is about how well you live.  How much heart and love do you give out, versus, fear and negativity?  This is the real question. My reply to her was "I'm not exactly sure when I will die but I think the dream indicates that enlightenment, or merging with the being of light and letting go of our attachments, does not have to wait until we die (since I woke up from the dream and realized I was still alive), we can choose it NOW, and also that Khanh is the Buddha among us because he exemplifies a very evolved soul who is ahead of us on the journey."

Later that night after this conversation, I dedicated my evening meditations to connecting with Khanh.  I started getting visions of him playing in a beautiful field with my mom, who passed away in September 2016, and Khanh was very close to her and really missed her.  They were both young looking, almost the same age.  I floated up to him and asked him when he plans on getting back in his body.  He telepathically sent me so much love as a reply that my question was not relevant.  He was in a state of bliss and joy and is where he wants to be.  He told me to keep connecting with him through my heart and as I can see he and my mom are alive and well.  The next night I meditated with him again, and this time he sent me waves and waves of healing bliss energy.  More than I had every felt before.  If you have read my previous posts, you will know I feel a lot of bliss energy, but connecting to Khanh's soul catapulted me into even higher states of bliss.  I felt so overwhelmed my his love for me and the cells of my body sang and danced with joy!  I telepathically said to him, "why are you giving me so much, should you not use this for you own body in the hospital?"  He replied that we are of One soul all of us.  That by my ability to connect to him, we can experience what is always and already available to all and it is amplified when two souls merge as One and if I was feeling the bliss, he was also feeling it by giving it -- the giving and receiving it how the bliss energy is experienced.  He asked me to shine this forth to his family and all who will be open to it.

The next day, I visited him in the hospital and meditated holding his hand.  We shared more bliss energy and I observed his visions.  He was showing me holographic pictures of things he liked to do, like cuddling with his daughter in the living room chair, going on road trips to Canada with family and friends, walking around his work office cubicle and campus, laughing and joking with his wife, etc.  Then he gave me a message to give his wife.  He said (telepathically since souls don't use words to communicate) she was burdened in her heart and he could not transmit the same healing bliss energy to her and that he asked me to help her relieve the burden and lighten up so he could get through.  I sat down with her and shared the message.  I feel that there will be more messages and more transmissions from him as he is very much alive and wants all who love him to know this and feel his bliss and merge with it.  I love you Khanh so much and I thank you for so generously sharing with me and being my hero and leader showing and encouraging me to let go of my worldly attachments and connect with the One soul that you already are!






















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