I'm just going to skip the in between years since my 2012 awakening and get to the good stuff which is more the PRESENT time. It's December 2018 already and this past year has been incredibly AMAZING. In March of this year I was diagnosed with stage 2b breast cancer (Her2+, estrogen sensitive, grade type 3) which triggered the next phase of my spiritual evolution.
The diagnosis was sobering at first but surprisingly I was not as fearful about it as I thought someone in my predicament "should" be. My sister in law went through it last year and it seemed awful. I'm an em-path so perhaps deep down I wanted to take on her suffering to develop compassion for others. The soul journey is one of exploration. The human ego mind is not conscious of the deeper desires of the soul to experience connection and compassion. What we experience in ourselves we heal in both ourselves and others. Cancer (and illnesses in general) is a manifestation of a deeper soul distortion, which is stored in the energy field around our bodies. I consulted four different oncologists, all of which assured me I needed surgery, radiation, and chemo. They all assured me that because the cancer was aggressive that the tumor would double in size in a matter of weeks and that I would likely die without treatment. I knew they were just doing their jobs, but ultimately, my fate was in my own hands. There are no victims. There are only opportunities to transcend. This is a really radical perspective, but it is my perspective as a sovereign spiritual being. I take responsibility for my life experiences and my creations. There is definitely something larger at work than what my personality self is conscious of. I am determined to become enlightenment to this greater part of me even if I have to experience dying of cancer. The reason why refusing conventional treatment lead to the "reward" of spiritual enlightenment in my life was because in my mind conventional treatment represents FEAR. And I wanted to choose LOVE instead. I want to trust myself, my true self that is inseparable from God. If I was God why would I choose to let my body suffer through conventional treatment. I wanted the real healing. Why is the cancer in my body? I want to get to the real cause of it. When LOVE is chosen over FEAR, the angelic realm takes notice. It's free will. Until humans are willing choose LOVE, we will not get the assistance from God since we have not exercised our faith. We are here to co-create with God and to do that, we must be brave enough to choose LOVE over fear. It's not because we get punished when we choose fear. It's all energy. Like attracts like. If you chose fear, then you create the experiences associated with the energy of fear and that is often a painful experience. Again, this is my story, my own subjective experience. I do not judge other people's choices or experiences. I honor all others and their choices. Period. We are all sovereign endowed with free will to choose and think for ourselves and allow others the same respect.
My lack of fear is also the result of my awakening in 2012. Since then I had longed to return to that state of enlightenment and actually maintain it. Well little did I know at the time of my diagnosis that I was going to get my prayer answered. I refused medical treatment beyond scans and blood tests. I was determined to trust God. I know we don't really die and that I am not my body. I knew inherently that as spiritual beings we had power to heal our bodies that the human mind is not fully aware of. This power comes from our God self; the part of us you can call the I AM presence or Holly Spirit. As we begin to awaken to our true nature which is spirit and not really the human mind, we begin to re-call this inherent knowledge and wisdom. I experience them as "downloads" to my mind which brings about feelings of an expansion in awareness accompanied by sessions of energy vibrating and moving throughout my body and energy field. It's pretty AWESOME to experience these downloads and expansions. However, to get to that state of enlightenment I underwent some very intense initiations that resulted in my physical, emotional, mental and identity bodies detoxing and purifying with every wave of energy.
This all happened over the course of 6-7 months since March and continues to this moment. It feels like an ever upward spiral that is fueled by my heart's desire to get closer to God; this I AM presence that is within me. I experience it as an energy of pure unconditional love that permeates my mind and body. My 2018 awakening was completely different than the 2012 one. This time is deeper, longer, and more intense and expansive. Best of all, as I had prayed for, my state of enlightenment appears to be stable and sustainable this time. I am more whole and complete in my mind/body. I started with a physical detox. I searched the internet and found www.ChrisBeatCancer.com. This website by Chris Wark gave me all the nutrition and supplement information to detox my physical body. I started organic juicing and eating whole foods and taking supplements. I did it for a few weeks and lost weight and started feeling better.
Then the emotional detox happened next. It took me by complete surprise since I was a pretty happy person to begin with I did not think I needed to emotionally detox. But as I found out, our energy fields carry subconsciously embedded dense emotional energy of fear, anger, sadness from past traumas. It goes very deep because we inherit in our DNA the ancestral karma. Like how illness and genetic flaws are passed on from generation to generation until it is healed. The emotional purification was the most horrific and strangest experience of my life. It happened in late April when I started taking CBD oil (it's a cannabis extract that is used to naturally treat cancer tumors). I normally just get a little drowsy when I take it but one day I must have taken too much. There are no accidents really, it was the universe setting me up for a major purge and healing.
What ensued was 6 hours of sheer hellish waves of raw chaos energy passing through my body and mind. It felt awful. I kept focusing on my breath and intuitively telling myself to surrender and let go. The ordeal was so intense I felt I was literally being torn into pieces energetically. Like all the atoms in my body were vibration and exploding. Streams of emotion in raw energy of anger, sadness, and fear poured out of my core and released up and out of my energy field. Wave after wave it felt most torturous and extremely uncomfortable. I cried out in pain wanting relief and only having my breath to turn to and my faith. I kept telling myself "All is well" and to surrender to it. When things got unbearable I would focus on breathing through it, like a woman in labor pain. Towards the end of this shamanic like journey I went through a tunnel and disintegrated into pure energy. I no longer sensed my body or my breath. I felt like I had died. Then slowly I exited the tunnel and saw in my mind's eye the word "purge" written in cursive lightening bolt font flash three times slowly in front of me. After the third flash I came back into my body and projectile vomited all over myself. Then all the sudden there was complete stillness. Just wonderful merciful stillness. A peace washed over me so lovingly. I felt light as feather. My husband who had been very concerned witnessing this ordeal asked me if he should call 911. I held his hand still feeling very high from the euphoria. I said, "Now I have compassion for all suffering. I can not outwardly fix the problems of the world but I now know how to bring about real peace." This inner peace that I was experiencing after the massive emotional energy purge was so incredible.
I had no idea that chaos energy was inside of me and that process of releasing/purging it was so liberating. The day after that experience, I started feeling waves of intense bliss. I would sing and dance in joyous celebration spontaneously. The main song I kept singing was "Heaven is a place on Earth" by Belinda Carlyle. I would dance and sing to this song and get my son and husband to join me, which really lifted their spirits too. I felt reborn again. I began to really heal. In September I went back to the oncologist 6 months after my diagnosis to get a CT Scan. I was a little nervous since I had dropped off the radar from the oncologists and did not get any treatment. I was worried maybe the cancer did spread like the doctors said. I did all sorts of prayer and visualization prior to the CT Scan. Feeling and visualizing the best outcome possible. When I went in to get the scan results I felt quite upbeat about it. My oncologists was a bit surprised when we read the report together. The aggressive tumor was completely gone! There was no spreading of the cancer. Even the 3-4 lymph nodes that were affected reduced to only 2, and the biggest lymph node shrunk 30%.
To this day, I can feel the lymph node is getting smaller and smaller. I can feel energy flow and healing the area in my armpit. I feel great physically, emotionally and mentally. I eagerly meditate for hours everyday since I now have such a strong connection to my I AM presence. It's pure bliss and light. Such intense love that there is nothing outwardly on earth the compares to it. I float around in sheer delight to be alive! I did not just snap my fingers and make my cancer go away. It was a complex process of letting go of the past. I believe my healing and ongoing energy experiences are a miracle. My miracle. Waves of gratitude swell in my heart that there is so much love overflowing in me. I want to transmit this healing and love to the whole world! This is how life can be for all of us in every moment. This is the life I have always dreamed of. And if getting breast cancer resulted in this new state of being, I think I have received a sweet deal indeed!
The energy and expansion experiences keep intensifying. I have lucid dreams, visions of merging with a golden being of light I call my I AM presence. My body vibrates and tremors of electricity flow up and down my spine. The heat along my spine gets so intense during downloads. When the Kundalini energy came in again to my body in October, it was so much stronger than 2012. This time the energy went all the way through my body and I laughed as it tickled me from the inside out. I lauged so hard for like an hour before I could ground the energy and relax. Since then I have been a wide open door for Divine energy and revelations to flow through me. Frequently, my hearts explodes with so much love it feels like the entire cosmos lives inside me! My third eye started to open more. During normal waking states I can clearly see that another world exists in my inner sight. I also started having inner visions of Jesus and myself as a soul and it is as if we are old friends. Jesus communicates to me telepathically. When I first connect with him I was so overwhelmed with emotions of HOME. There were celestial angelic beings there too all welcoming me. At first I fell at his feet. He quickly grabbed my arm and stood me up. He said that we are equals, and that God is the ultimate servant of all. So he anointed my feet with oil in loving service to me. I was so overcome with humility and adoration for Him. The love of God brought tears of joy pouring down my cheeks. We talk about my mission and how all my life was preparation for this awakening. I was the lost sheep. I was also the shepherd. I was to step into my own power as God shines through me. In my beingness (being the real me) I will help everyone in my world. We are each individualized aspects of God; we are the body of God/universe/creator. Our thoughts, feelings, emotions, create our experience of our world. We each experience our world subjectively. That is why judgement is pointless. We create our own reality. Everything on earth is made of light, which comes from the being of the Creator. The light vibrates in wave patters and spiral pulses of infintie frequencies and oscillations and when viewed by our human senses, the light takes form as a 3D reality. We are the imagination of ourselves. We are dreaming all this. There is no absolute right or wrong. There is no "right" way to experience or act. It's all up to the individual to choose. I asked why God makes it so hard to remember all this and leaves his creations (us) lost stumbling in the dark? I asked so many questions and got so many profound answers. The answers were not transmitted as words because these type of questions/answers can not really be processed my the human mind. So it was a intuitive knowing transmitted to my heart as an energy. I will try to translate into words on another post some of the big questions and answers, but it would not really be same. It would be like me trying to teach you how to swim by writing words. If the goal is to teach you to swim, the words no matter how well written is not likely to accomplish it until you go into the water and splash around on your own. Ultimately since reality is subjective, each individual soul must go through their own awakening process to get the answers. But Jesus says I still must share my experiences and story with my world. This is not to change others but to be of service to God which is really me. As I write these words my power increases. This power is FAITH. As you read these words, your power increases because these words have Divine energy in them. They come from the heart. They are my highest subjective truth. An expression of God's love through me. I AM light. I AM worthy. So are you.
After the connections with Jesus and the angels, things started getting even more strange. On October 30th, as I was meditating to a YouTube broadcast on my new 55" Samsung TV on the Quantumn Conversations channel with Tracey Ash who is a prolific intuitive and channel-er of ETs. That's right extraterrestrials! I have never had any experience with ETs except a couple of times in my dream state I was on a space ship. But we usually dismiss our dream experiences since they don't cross over to our 3D reality. But this time was different. The ETs came through my third eye as an inner vision which is now very open because of all the energy expansion and activation I went through. There were about 150 of them in a group all sorts of races and they were very happy to contact me. They said telepathically that they have been waiting for me to purify enough to receive their transmission. They are of a much higher vibration so our energy body and physical body has to be clear of any fear which is a lower vibration. They don't want to cause trauma or scare us. Plus it's a universal law that as all is energy like attracts like so they can't even be connected to lower vibrations. They are of the same vibration as the angels who also contact me telepathically. That's why most of us who have fear in our mind/body system can not get the help we need from ETs. They operate from a place of Oneness, that is how they can contact me. All is One. All is contact via the energy of God/ Universe/ Creator. Oneness is really just unconditional love. I was so excited to be in contact with them. They are here to help humanity in it's ascension to higher consciousness, which is to learn how to be co-creators with God. We are to evolve, grow up, and step into our power. We can become masters of our own reality and eventually we can heal ourselves and our world. They even demonstrated to me how to do it; it takes practice but it's absolutely amazing when you witness your thoughts turn into reality. Now I am very very careful with my thoughts because I know how powerful they are. I will post a different blog about how to co-create with God and bring forth miracles.
The ETs tell me that they are our family of light and that they are really part of me/us as we are One. Their energy was so playful, loving and strong. Different from the angelic energies but I can't explain in words. Energy has infinite different vibrations and has we awaken to our true self we can access any energy in the universe just by tuning in with our hearts and minds (more on this stuff later). Then they started messing with my new TV. All the sudden all the audio sounds from ALL other cable channels started coming through simultaneously! I never saw a TV do that only one channel is on video, how did they get all the audio to turn on from the other channels. Then when I started screaming to my husband "honey come here look what the ETs are doing to the TV!". Jeff came into the room and was also completely bewildered. After about 5 seconds everything went completely silent even though the TV channel was on, there was no sound. Then I screamed "holly cow they just shut off all the audio". Then instantly the audio came back on but this time it was set back to normal audio of just the one channel that was displayed. After that incident my TV never worked right. It would have to be constantly reset to get the video to display. It was like it got zapped electromagnetically.
My healing journey towards Oneness with God continues and new experiences and "Ah Hah" moments are happening all the time. My soul's wisdom is coming on line as my body becomes more energetically balanced physically, mentally and emotionally. I tune into my I AM presence and intuit that my physical body is clearing the cancer because the dense energies of fear, anger and sadness had been purged. My healing journey continues and I know and trust that the universe is expanding and exploring the SELF through my own personal experiences. All that I learn and feel is contributing to the expansion of the universe. I am somehow magically inseparable from this consciousness that is expressing itself as me and also as the entire universe. I am literally the universe. All I have to do is tune into anything I want and experience it from my own unique perspective. There is nothing that is withheld from me and what I am is LOVE and this energy of LOVE is everything.
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